Emergency Hair Services

Emily cut her own hair. Her reasons for doing this? "My bangs were in my eyes and I wanted to give Terri (the hairdresser) a head start." Her hair on one side was cut to her chin, while the rest fell half way down her back. A head start alright. Anyway, I called Terri and told her we were in need of "emergency services" so Emily has this really adorbale pageboy type haircut that I must say, despite the circumstances, looks just marvelous. She has a beautiful round face and the cut really brings out her features. Truth be told, I had been thinking about getting her hair cut for a while. This kind of left me no choice and sure as hell made the decision to do it a lot easier. Decisions are never easy for me.

Katherine has decided that she doesn't like hotdogs anymore. Last night we cooked on the grill and she took one bite of her hotdog, spit a partially chewed piece out and said, "I NOT LIKE IT!" So, she had a hotdog roll and chips for dinner. Lovely huh?

I am not an advocate of forcing my kids to eat things they don't like. If they don't like it, forcing them to eat it would ensue in a fight which in my opinion would not be worth the effort. I don't force them to finish their meal either. They know that if they don't finish, they don't get desert or anything else to eat for the rest of the night. You pick your battles I guess and since my kids are smart and old enough to know what they like and don't or whether or not they are hungry, this is one battle I choose not to fight.

I can't believe it is almost July. Where the hell does time go? It's almost Independence Day. Time goes by too fast if you ask me, and my memory is too short. I can barely remember what I did yesterday. Sad I know, but true.

Grumpy and his friends

The other day, Emily said to me, "Mama, how come when I am cranky or naughty no one wants to play with me?" I explained to her that it wasn't just her, it was a general rule that people don't like to be in the company of cranky people because it was no fun. She said, "Ok Mama." Then, she looked up at me thoughtfully and said, "But Mama, Grumpy on Snow White is always cranky and his friends like to be with him. He gets to play with her friends all of the time." She is so smart...and I have to say I love the logic.

Word has it that Adelphia is filing Chapter 11 bankruptcy tomorrow. All kinds of illegal and shady business dealings have caused the down fall of the company and apparently, bankruptcy is the only option. At this point, I am not really sure what that means for me but, I guess I will find out tomorrow.

I am starting a recipe collection. Of course I have some recipes already but, I want to add to the collection. I have decided that I am sick of eating the same things all of the time, day in and day out. So, if you have any good recipes you would like to share, please, send them my way. I am collecting all kinds...main dishes, desserts, appetizers etc.

I think I am going to take a photography class. I have recently developed an interest in pictures, particularly scenic types. I think that a class would be fun. Who knows? Maybe I'll be the next Ansel Adams(famous photographer for those who were wondering).

A list of current events...

A brief synopsis of recent events...in list form because I am lazy!

1. Emily and Katherine had their 5 and 2&1/2 year physicals and, I am happy to report that they are both happy and healthy!

2. I recently saw two movies, The Sum of All Fears and The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood both of which get two enthusiastic thumbs up!

3. A quick note about each movie though...Some of the scenes in The Sum of all Fears look eeerily similar to those of Septmember 11 and the weeks that followed and, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood made me cry buckets so, the same could happen to you. You have been warned on both counts.

4. Emily is going through a rebellious stage and has been driving me up the wall and down again. I never ask for much but beleive me you, I have been praying to God that this is just a stage, because if it isnt....its going to be one hell of a ride.

5. I have decided that based on recent events at work, I will only be happy if I quit or overthrow the management and take over.

6. I have booked and paid for our camping trip we will be taking in mid-July. I can't wait to sit by the campfire with a good book, listen to the water flow through the river, and just get the hell away from "real life" for a while.

7. Summer is finally here and I am happy. I can't stand the dark and dreary days of winter.

8. I am desperately craving a huge bowl of vanilla icecream with butterscotch flavored syrup. I have no idea why. I just am. And no, I am not pregnant.

9. Ryun was late getting home from work last night. He had to rescue someone that was trapped in an elevator. My husband the hero.

10. We are taking the kids to the circus this weekend. I am looking forward to it, as are the girls. I love doing things together as a family. I really do.

So there you have it folks...my top ten list of recent Ellis events, in no particular order.

Until next time, remember...You only live once but if you work it right, once is enough.

Graduation, party, sleep, and Adelphia

I forgot to tell you all that Emily's graduation went of with out incident. In other words, Mama (shock of all shocks) didn't cry. I got just the slightest bit teary-eyed when we walked out of the building when it suddenly struck me that we would never be going back, at least not for Emily (Katie will go in September, 2003). I was briefly overwhelmed with a flood of emotions that seemed to escape me as quickly as they came. The "Oh my God, my baby is all grown up" feeling was replaced with the "Oh my God, my baby just graduated preschool and I am so proud of her." So, it was good. I was happy, Emily was happy, and Katie was even happy as long as I gave her lollipops. Trying to get a two year old to sit still for periods longer than say 10 minutes is near impossible. The lollipops worked quite well in preventing a temper tantrum in the middle of the ceremony. I don't generally feed my children to keep them quiet, just in case you were curious.

Emily's birthday party went well. We had it at Big East Gymastics and the kids had a blast. They basically passed out when we got home and even slept late on Sunday morning. Late of those for anyone who cares to know is 8:00am.

I had to work until 5:00am yesterday so I slept until 1:00pm this afternoon. As per usual, Adelphia management screwed up the schedule and me, being the sucker that I am stayed until the next shift came in. So Sunday was a complete waste of a day for me...I got up at 1:00 and had to be back at work at 4:30pm. Next time, I am just going to call a manager at 3:00am. I am sick of being taken advantage of and it is not my job to cover for them when they fuck up. So there. And yes, people I just swore. Don't be alarmed...I do that every once in a while.

Happy Birthday Emily!

June 1, 1997...the day I had the privilege, the honor of meeting my beautiful daughter for the first time.

There are simply no words to describe the first time a mother holds her newborn child in her arms, no words at all. I remember looking down at her in awe and disbelief saying to Ryun, "We made her, she is our daughter." The miracle of childbirth is just that...a miracle.

It is impossible to understand the love of a parent until you become one. It is limitless. There are no boundaries. It truly is unconditional. I remember being pregnant with Katherine and thinking that there was just no way I could love another like I love my Emily. Obviously, I did and do, it just seemed impossible. Having Emily actually taught me to love her in a completely different way. I loved her for being her, I loved Katie for being Katie, and I loved them both for what they would mean to each other.

Emily is put simply, the best kind of child any parent could ever want or hope for. She is caring, considerate, sweet, and smart. She has this way about her, a certain charm that just melts my heart on a daily basis.

I am thankful for everyday I get to share with Emily. She brings joy to every aspect of our lives. She is a wonderful daughter, sister, and friend.

I don't know what I did to deserve to be blessed with the two most precious children in the world, but I sure am glad I am. They enrich me, they complete me, they are my two most beautiful baby girls.

Happy Birthday to my Emily Terese.

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

I am sick tired cranky and not in the mood!

"Mama, I'm sick." "Mama, I'm tired." "Mama, "I'm cranky." "Mama, I'm not in the mood." These very words were spoken by my beautiful 2 year old daughter within the past 2 days.The funny part is, she legitimately was sick, tired, cranky, and "not in the mood." So, she really meant it. While I am continually amazed by how well she is doing talking, the 4 above mentioned phrases have made for a rather stressful couple of days.

She threw up all over the place, careful not to exclude my brand new couch covers or even, her loving, and thankfully not weak of stomach mother. I know that she can't help it and really, I felt bad for her but, I can't wait until she gets to the point of aiming for the toilet, or trash, or anywhere expect for, well, except for me. Because, I love my kids more than life itself, but being puked on, even by my children is just about the most disgusting thing imaginable.

Aside from all of that, it has been a rather hectic week in itself. I have been busily getting organized for Emily's preschool picnic, her graduation, and her birthday this Saturday. I have been a baking extraordinaire this week. So far, I have made cupcakes, banana bread and cookies, all of which I might add, came out delicious.

Anyway, that's all that new in the Ellis house today. Until next time...

9:09 a.m. - 2002-05-30

Pain, fear, and every emotion inbetween

So, I finally figured out what it is that is behind my concerns about Emily and the whole growing up thing. It's fear. Fear of what you might ask? Fear of well, just the world in general. It has suddenly occured to me that because she will be in school and involved with many different people, that Ryun and I (and other close family and friends) will not be her only role models or influences. She will be exposed to other children, teachers, and parents on a daily basis. And, there is just something about that that scares me a bit. I of course am not saying that I want to protect her from these experiences. I am however saying that I hope as parents, family members, and friends, we have all given her a good moral background,one which she can use as a guide through life and one in which she will make positive decisions and choices for herself and others. I hope that I particularly have done a "good job" with her and shown her how important it is to realize that people are different, have different ideas and ways of doing things, and that it is not ok to judge people based on, well, based on anything I guess. I hope I have done my part showing her to be compassionate, thoughtful, and considerate of others and I hope that no matter what experiences she encounters, she remembers that what is really important in this world is what you give, not what you have. She is only going to kindergarten and maybe this all seems to in depth but I am talking long term here. This really is just the beginning of the next "life stage" if you will. The next 12-13 years will help shape the rest of her life and the person she will become.

"In this world, it is not what we take up, but what we give up that makes us rich."

I don't doubt myself as a parent. I know I am a good mother and that I have done the best that I can by my children. I don't doubt myself as a person either. I am a good person. I am generous, kind, and considerate to myself and others and I know that my children will learn partly from the example I set, as well as their own thoughts and ideas about things. The fear I have is of the "other" people in this world. Its just hard to give up such an important role in her life...well not give up but allow others in. A little selfish of me I guess.

I don't think the world is such a terrible place. I just know that there are terrible things and basically, part of me wishes I could prevent my children from experiencing pain in any way. Notice I said part of me. I think all experiences can teach something, even painful ones. Some painful situations can teach you just how lucky you are to have what you do, others can teach you how sometimes, depsite your best efforts, things don't always work out. I think that no matter how uncomfortable it may be, it is just as important to feel pain and anger as it is to feel joy and happiness. It's just that I know how pain and anger feel, and a tiny little part of me wishes my children never had to know that feeling.

"If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would decline, fo life would no longer teach me anything."

I dont wanna grow up

Emily graduates from preschool on May 31. She is going to kindergarten next year. She has learned how to tie her own shoes. She is riding without training wheels, and she has moved from the "little kid" wall at Kid's Footlocker to the "big kid" wall.

As kids grow, they go through different stages of development, physically and emotionally. Usually, it's a gradual thing...first they roll over, a couple of months later they sit up, then a couple of months later they crawl. You get the point...it is spread out over the course of time. It makes it easier if you will to adjust to your "baby" growing up. It's a gradual thing like I said. This whole preschool to kindergarten thing is so not. What the hell? I mean how fair is that? Poor mommies around the world have all of these "life changes" in their children to accept all at once. Not to mention what the kids themselves go through. I am fortunate because Emily is the most enthusiastic and adaptable child I know. She is having an easy time with all of this thankfully. Not that I am completely freaking or whatever but I am just a bit crazy about it all. Which you may have noticed since I talk about it so frequently. But anyway, I just can't help it. I am happy and proud of her and I know that she has what it takes to succeed, but it is just hard to realize how quickly time passes...and how old I am getting! ;)

WARNING: read at your own risk

So, as you may have noticed, I was a little pissed off when writing my last entry, maybe even a little rude too. Oh well, what can I say? I am a stubborn, red-headed Irish woman who, this week happens to have PMS. So there you have it...my excuse to be a bitch! Maybe no one else will buy that, but hey it works for me.

So, its official. I am a Borders junkie. I am serious. It is quite possible that I could shop only at this store for the rest of my life and still die a happy woman. If I worked there, I would never get paid.

Emily told my sister that if she kept crying, she would get what she wants. Can you believe that? Until my sister heard Emily say that, she was a "pushover." Not anymore needless to say. Emily is too smart. She understands concepts that are (or should be anyway) way above her level. I she got that from her stunningly brilliant mother. I just know.

I was taking laundry out of the dryer today and I gave Katherine her "night-night." That would be her infamous security blanket just in case you were wondering. Anyway, when I gave it to her she said and I quote, "Thank you. Thank you VERY MUCH." She has never said that before...the "very much" part I mean. It was cute.

Speaking of the "night-night" who thinks I should take it away? She is 2 1/2. Is it time to take it away or should I just let her decide on her own when she is done with it? I think that I should wait until she decides on her own. The only reason I ask is because certain people who shall remain nameless think I should take it way. Besides, she looks so damn cute holding her "night-night" right up by her cheek while she sucks her thumb. Anyway, we will call this an informal poll. To take the night night or not? You decide. Oh yeah and be sure to let me know.

I graduated from Carver High School nine years ago. Hell, I am getting old. Not as old as my loving husband though, who will have graduated 10 years ago this coming June. Now, he is old and according to Emily, the strongest person in the world. Random, I know.

Did anyone watch ER on Thursday? I cried. Not just tears in my eyes but full-fledged crying, with sobbing to boot. I cried like Dr. Greene was someone I knew personally. He died and it was heart-wrenching.

Can't Smile Without You

Yeah, I know, I am a slacker. I haven't updated in awhile. Well, here I am, so don't fret. Your withdrawal symptoms should be subsiding now.

I just bought a cd collection called, " The Greatest Hits Of The 80's" and let me just tell you it rocks. I also bought "Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits." Please, just don't even ask. Lets just say that my musical tastes vary.

I keep having dreams that my teeth are falling out, rather falling out and shattering into pieces. Sometimes my gums are bleeding afterward, and sometimes I just dream that I have a loose tooth. Don't laugh. This is serious! Here is what Dream-Land about the meaning behind this..."Teeth represent the fidelity to self, the degree to which we support our decisions, respect our inner choices and remain true to what we love. Having your teeth harmed or removed reflects a compromise or decision which involved a deep and highly personal cost. False, loose or crumbling teeth reflect stresses, problems and difficulties at work. For a woman, to dream of a tooth loss and severe gum bleeding denotes that she is involved into an abusive relationship. Seeing healthy white teeth in the dream indicates that you have much personal freedom."

Yikes! Now that can not be good. I generally don't take dreams too seriously but I do to an extent believe that some dreams can reflect reality, especially recurring ones. At first I thought it meant that I wasn't taking good care of my teeth which, of course is absurd seeing as how that is one of the very few things I am methodical about. Still, until I read this I have practically been brushing my teeth until my gums bled. Scary shit though huh?

Moving on...here are the results of an email quiz I got today. Generally, I find these to be silly and a waste of time but this one was rather interesting, so here goes.

1. What would you consider to be the happiest moment of your life? I have two. One was at 5:48PM on June 1, 1997 (Emily's birth date and time) and at 10:47am on November 25, 1999 (Katherine's birth date and time).

2. What would you consider to be the saddest time in your life? When my grandmother died.

3. If you could back in time and change one decision you made would you and what decision would you change? I wouldn't. I can honestly say I have no regrets. Every decision or choice I have made has helped shape the person I am today...all of the good and the bad. Every experience has been an opportunity to learn. "If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would decline, for life would no longer teach me anything."

4. What would you describe as the worst physical pain you have ever experienced? Now, that's a no-brainer. I have had two children all natural, with no drugs. Katherine's labor was worse, much more intense and painful. I even cried and (gasp) swore at Ryun. Next in line would be the birth of Emily. I would do it again without giving it a second thought. Despite the mind-numbing, excruciating pain of childbirth, there simply is nothing as amazing or as magical. Nothing at all. Then, right up there with childbirth would be when I was having gallbladder attacks. That hurt like a bitch. Take like the worst indigestion you have ever experienced and multiply by...I don't know, lets say a million. Then take that and multiply by another million...well, you get the point. It hurts, a lot.

5. Is there a cause you feel so strongly for that you would die for it? The only thing, or, I guess I should say people I would die for would be my children. Basically, I would die the most horrifyingly painful death imaginable to protect and/or defend them. Other than that, causes I feel strongly about would be equal rights for all human beings no matter race, gender, religion etc., and world peace. Seriously, as silly as that may sound, I really think the world would be a happier place if we were all given equal opportunity and remained peaceful. Why can't we all just get along?

6. What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? Well, hello. I guess I would want them to say that I was a smart, loving, caring, considerate, senstive, beautiful, loyal, and dedicated person. Of course, half of that would be a lie but it sure as hell sounded good didn't it? ;)

7. Your definition of love. Love is most definitely indefinable, at least not without getting into "psycho-babble." I can tell you it is something you feel from head to toe, to the very depths of your soul, and if you are lucky enough to find it, you should never, ever let it go. Hey that ryhmes...how cute.

8. Is there anyone or anything in this world that you truly, with every fiber of your being, hate? Hate is a rather strong word. There are a lot of things and/or people that I can say I dislike, but no one or nothing that I actually have an all-consuming hate for.

9. How would you describe your self to other people? I would say that I am a very patient, kind, loyal and sensitive person. I would also say that I am stubborn, mean, disloyal and insensitive.

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I do not feel ashamed

I'm your health, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

You know you wouldn't want it any other way"

10. How do you think people perceive you? I think people generally see me as a good person, with a good sense of values and ideals. Somtimes, I think people view me as, well an angel, which in all honesty can be true, but it just irks me sometimes. I kind of like that whole "bad girl" image rather than the "sugar sweet" "wholesome" one. Oh well...what can you do?

Oh yeah, and for anyone who didn't catch the significance of this entry's title, it is the title of Barry Manilow song. Get it? Can't Smile Without You...teeth falling out etc? God, I am just so creative. I know you were thinking that. I know.

1

Life Insurance...who the hell needs it anyway?

Adelphia did not pay my life insurance premium.. Yes, you did read that right. I did just say that the multi-million dollar company I work for did not pay my life insurance premium. This was one the corporate level...and here I was thinking that it was just the regional office in which I work that was screwed up. Nope, this is company-wide. Great. Just great.

I am signing Emily up for Girl Scouts on Wednesday night. She is going to be a daisy scout...how cute is that?!?!

John and Suzanne took Emily to see the movie "Ice Age". Emily cried at the end because it was so happy. I had no idea a five year old child was capable of such a range and depth of emotion. She never ceases to amaze me.

Katie turned around rather quickly today and lost her footing. She fell and hit her eye on the corner of the coffee table. I was practically crying because it looked so painful. Not her though...she's a trooper. She stopped as soon as I picked her up. Today she said "I love it" when I asked her how her dinner was. It is so funny to hear her talking in complete sentences...she still seems so little.

I am reading Michael J. Fox's new book called, "Lucky Man". So far so good. He has really had a rather interesting life and his attitude about Parkinson's is just amazing. He is truly inspiring.

Ryun and I are going to go see Star Wars Episode II when it comes out. We are both Star Wars junkies, him especially. He even oens an unopened collectors edition Trilogy pack Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi. Probably will be quite valuable at some point.

Ok so this entry has been kind of boring and I apologize. As always, the choice to read it is yours however, let it be known that if you have gotten this far, I commend you. This is my own writing and even I am bored with this entry.

its almost three in the morning...

This entry is so random and does not flow together at all. Please accept my apologies. It is almost three o'clock in the moring here and I am just a bit tired. So, you will just have to deal or don't read it. Your choice.

The summer like weather is coming to a dramatic end here in New England. It may actually snow tonight in Massachusetts. It was 90 degrees last week. Go figure.

On April 4, I turned 26 1/2. It's funny when you are a kid how that "1/2" is so important. God forbid you just be 8 years old. Now that I am officially feeling old (I even purchased alcohol without being carded) I am just going to forget that whole 1/2 year thing. I am done with it. Who the hell needs to know about that extra 1/2? No one. So there.

Just so you know, I will still mention the 1/2 when I am talking about my height. Five feet, four and a 1/2 inches. I don't know why, but that 1/2 inch is of great importance to me. So don't even attempt to take it away. The consequences could be dire.

April 11 marked my six year anniversary of working for Adelphia. And, contrary to popular belief, I am still, for the most part sane.

I am in such an odd mood. I really have nothing to write about but I wanted to write so I am just babbling about whatever comes to mind.

My new computer at work is black. Looks very snazzy if I do say so myself. I think they gave me a new one to shut me the hell up. I voice my opinion a lot around here and, I might add, rightfully so. Unfortunately for them anyway, this tactic will not work. I 'll keep the computer and still bitch.

May 24 is my four year wedding anniversary. Yes, Emily is going to be five. So I had a kid out of the sacred bonds of marriage. Sue me. Truth be told, I wouldn't change a single thing about the way my life unfolded between 1996-1998. Not a single thing.

I think I am going to be the ultimate lazy ass tomorrow and not even get out of my pajamas. I love pajamas and wish I could wear them all day, everyday. Tomorrow is a good excuse to do that though, because it is Monday and when my dual alarm clocks go of at 7 am (alarm clocks known to the general public as Emily and Katherine) I will have only had about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. There is that 1/2 again. Damn, its everywhere. Anyway, no clothes tomorrow, I mean pajamas of course but no "regular" clothes. Get your mind out of the gutter. You thought I meant no clothes at all, didn't you? I know you did so don't even bother trying to deny it.

Ok so it is just about time to go home! Thank God. Sweet dreams diaryland...

again...a random array of thoughts

It was 90 degrees here today...HELLO! It's only April! I took the girls outside and filled their pool. They spent two hours in it splashing and playing. Mostly splashing of course.

Today when Emily woke up she looked out her window and said, "Mama, what's tnat smell?" I went over and put my nose to the window. Guess what the smell was? Just that "warm weather, summer" type of smell. And she noticed it. She really is just amazing.

Katie said a new sentence today. We were outside and there was a crow making a hell of a racket in a the big willow tree in our backyard. She said, "It's a birdie." Right after she said that, it flew out of the tree and she said (her new sentence), "I knew it!" She says something new everyday now...I sometimes lose track. It's great though, I love hearing her voice.

We went over to my parents house for dinner tonight and I cooked on the grill for everyone. I had to go to all 5 stores in the town of Carver to find rolls for the burgers and dogs. As it turned out, we could only find hamburger rolls. Guess everyone had the same "It's too hot to cook in the house" idea that I had. Oh well. The kids never want to eat the rolls anyway.

A random array of thoughts

Emily has graduated from the "toddler" wall at Kids Footlocker to the "big kid" wall and, I let her pick out her own sneakers...even though the ones she liked were not my first choice. Oh yeah, and she is going to Kindergarten in September. I know I talk about this whole Emily's growing up thing a lot but you have to try and understand. I am a mother, and a very sentimental one at that. You just don't realize how fast time goes by until you have children. Really.

So, I haven't updated in awhile. My aunt and my 15 month old cousin were here visiting from California and we spent the whole week together. I have hardly even checked my email! We had such fun...I was sad to see them go back. I really wished we lived closer.

We got the kids pictures taken together and, of course, they came out so cute. Not that I am biased or anything, but I really think that I might have the smartest, cutest children in the entire world. Seriously, and I don't think that the only reason I feel that way is because they are mine. They really are just amazing and I am so lucky to have them.

The other day Ryun and I took the girls down to the waterfront and to Friendly's for lunch. The waitress said to Ryun, "What can I get for you sir?" Emily said, "Hey, my Daddy's not that old." It was so funny. She automatically thought sir was meant for someone "old". She cracks me up.

I am so happy that spring has arrived! This is one of my favorite times of year. I love the warm weather and the blooming flowers. It is supposed to be 70 degrees and sunny all week long.

Perfect if you ask me!

Sugar Sugar

Sugar, aw honey honey, you are my candy girl, and you got me wanting you..."The Archies

I love being silly with my kids. Today, in a spur of the moment type thing, I turned on the cd player and put in the soundtrack to the movie, "Now and Then." Emily, Katie and I proceeded to dance around the living room like fools. Those kids have got some rythm let me tell you. Shaking their hips and waving their arms about, they are so damn cute I can't stand it sometimes!

My sister Heather turns 21 today. My "baby" sister is now of legal age. Scary thought, and not because she can drink legally now, but because I feel soooo old! Christ, I can remember going to visit her in the hospital nursery. She was the only red-head there...pretty easy to pick out amongst all of the other infants!

Anyway, we, (me,her, my sister Suzanne and various other friends) are going out tonight to Friday's to get dinner and buy Heather her first legal drink. Should be fun.

I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow and I know it is going to make me want another one. All of those cute little outfits, tiny booties, rattles. I might just break. Ryun will probably kill me if I mention having a baby agian because he only wants the two we have, but I can't help it. I miss having an infant! And, believe it or not, I love to be pregnant. I honestly feel the best about myself then, physically as well as emotionally. Weird I know...a lot of pregnant women are self conscious but I think a pregnant body is beautiful. Call me silly.

That being said, obviously the only reason to have a baby is not to feel good about myself or to have an infant again. I need to feel good about myself first, want to have a "child" and not just a baby,and well, my husband needs to be willing! Kind of helps with the old reproduction process if you know what I mean.

You must be stupid or insane

In classic and oh so typical Adelphia style, cable went out on the evening of a major television broadcast. The entire town of Abington missed the Oscars this evening as the cable was out for over twelve hours. The customers were, well lets just say angry does not even begin to describe. About the only good thing tonight was that the technician out working on the problem kept me laughing so hard it hurt. He is one of those people who is funny without even trying to be. If there is an outage and he is on call, if nothing else I can be guaranteed a good laugh (which is always good when you have an entire town of people calling you and the company you work for every name in the book).

It is a good thing that I do not take it to heart when people tell me, "You must be stupid to work for a company like Adelphia" or "What are you insane? I hope they treat their employees better than they treat their customers." I always think that on my last day working here (whenever that will be)I will tell off the first customer who pisses me of. Say something like, "Your tv is off, why don't you go read a damn book" or "My tv is working fine, I don't give a shit if yours is or not." Or, even better, agree when they say,"Adelphia sucks." That would be fun. Unfortunately right now I need the job and the good money it pays so the fun will just have to wait.

Summer

In other news, I have found the location in which we will be camping this summer. It is in North Conway, NH and its called the Saco River Camping Area. It is in close proximity to a lot of the attractions in the White Mountains area of the state and it looks like a fun place to camp. The girls are already so excited and it is four months away!

This summer we will also be spending time on the cape at a summer cottage my parents and friends of the family rented together. It is in Dennis, and right on the ocean so it should be fun. We used to rent cottages on the cape with this family when we were all younger, so it will bring back many good memories I am sure.

Can you tell I am looking forward to summer? At this point, I would even settle for spring. It figures that in New England it would snow in a good part of Massachusetts on the first day of spring. Now I am just bracing for that winter blast we will probably get in April.

Katie's accident and the junkyard

So, I jinxed myself...or I jinxed Katie anyway. Remember my last entry, the 101 things about me list? Well, number 50 said that Katie had only had one trip to the ER. Correction as of last night. She now has equalled her sisters number with two visits in about the same amount of time. On Friday night, she tripped over her own feet and went mouth first into Emily's toy fire engine. She managed to get quite a gash on her lower lip and, although it did not require stitches, the ER doctor said she will have a small scar. He also put her on an antibiotic to prevent infection. The mouth is very prone to infection but, she is also a thumb sucker so he was concerned about germs/bacteria. I never realized how "unsanitary" thumbsucking can be. When you think about it, everything you touch goes right in to your mouth. Anyway, Katie is one tough cookie I must say. She hardly cries at all when she gets hurt. She has a strong thresh hold for pain. I do too.

So that was the "excitement" for the weekend. Oh yeah, and I finally got the title in the mail for the Topaz. So, tomorrow we will b making a trip to the junkyard. Yay! My mother will be so happy to have it out of her yard.

Letter to Supervisor

Dear Jill,

I have been an employee of Adelphia for six years. During this time I have always done my best to represent the company and service the customers well. I am and always have been dedicated to servicing and helping my customers and fellow Customer Sales and Service Representatives alike. I am an organized, loyal, and I would like to think a well-respected and well-liked employee of this company.

The reason for this letter is the new seating plan that is currently being arranged. I have been informed (through various people) that we will again have to share desks. I am writing to let you know that I want and more importantly deserve my own desk.

Over the past six years, I have acquired a vast knowledge of all areas of the cable industry, from proper customer service standards, to technical troubleshooting, and everything in between. Because of this, as well as my easy going nature and eagerness to help, I have been given, as well as have assumed certain responsibilities normally reserved for leads or supervisors. Some of these include; inventory, dispatch, must do�s and the taking of supervisor calls. I have discussed this in previous communications with various supervisors and have even mentioned the possibility of a lead position, since I am doing the job of a lead anyway. Although I was not offered this type of position, nor did I feel I was properly thanked for my help, I have continued to take on these �extra� duties and, have done so willingly. Truth be told, I like helping people and feel a sense of pride when I am given the opportunity to do so. That being said however, I have not been compensated in anyway for this, whether it be monetarily or a simple, �Thank you for all of your hard work, we really appreciate you.� I do not do what I do for money or recognition. I do it because I want to, however, part of me does feel that I should be in some way recognized for my efforts. After giving this some serious consideration, I came to the conclusion that if I was not to be recognized in any way for me help, the decision to do so would need to be based on my willingness alone. In other words, since I knew in advance of my offering help that nothing would come it (other than the satisfaction of helping and perhaps a thank you from the person on the receiving end), I would have to decide whether or not I wanted to continue. As you and those I have offered my assistance to know, I decided in favor of continuing.

The least I deserve for my efforts is my own workspace. I know that I am a part time employee but, that makes me no less important that a full timer, nor is it any excuse for me not to have my own desk. In my six years of service to this company and more recently my six months of assuming the role of a lead, I have earned the right to my own desk. That aside, if it is at all important to maintain peace and harmony within the department, sharing desks is not the way to achieve that. I am quite sure I am not the only Customer Sales and Service Representative that feels that way. It is a well known fact that people work more efficiently and with more enthusiasm if they have a place to call there own. For that reason alone, the plan to have some employees share desks should be reconsidered and reworked.

In closing, I would like to tell you that I know that your job can not be easy. Recognizing the sixty or so different personalities, wants and needs of this department is difficult. Making everyone happy and maintaining a positive environment is no easy task. Because of this, I feel any input you get from Customer Sales and Service Representatives helps in achieving that goal. That is why I wrote this letter, so that you may better understand how I feel.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

Sharon M. Ellis

Customer Sales and Service Representative

What do you think? Not to sound completely conceited or egotistical, but can I write a good letter or what?!?! I have always been better able to express my self on paper. I will definitely follow this up with a face to face discussion, but I always feel it is a good idea to with Adelphia anyway to write first, confront later. It kind of gives them a lead in as to where I am going or what I want, but, it also offers proof that the my thoughts were actually voiced. Verbal conversations can be conveniently forgotten if you know what I mean. Oh well, I hope for once, I am actually taken seriously there. Have no doubt, I will be sure to let you all know either way!

Your not the person I thought you were

So, tomorrow I register Emily for Kindergarten. Can you believe that? And yes people, I am getting all wishy washy over it. She is MY baby afterall. She is very excited about registering...that is one step closer to her riding the school bus. She has been looking forward to that for quite some time. Oh, and not to brag but she had her preschool evaluation and guess what? She got the highest score possible in all areas! She is just like her father...brilliant. Not that I think I am not smart, I am. It is just that I have absolutely zero short term memory and that hinders me in some respects. And, I am not going to apologize for bragging about her...I am just a proud mama.

Since I am on a "proud mama" thing, let me tell you about Katie. She singing and talking up a storm and I am loving it. Today she was singing the Monkeys on the Bed song and she was so darn cute. She pointed her finger, put on a mad face and said sternly, "NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!" Then I was spinning her around in my arms and she was laughing and saying, "Do it again." God, I just love her laugh. Its infectious, it really is.

Oh and one more thing about my Emily. This morning she woke up at 5:30am...way too early. Anyway, I told her she could come lie with me in bed if she wanted to which, she did. She asked if she could bring her Leap Pad in and play with it and I said no and, that if she wanted to play with it she could do so in her room until it was time to get up (the Leap Pad is loud and I had every intention of sleeping). You know what she said( keeping in mind that she is four)? She said and I quote, "Your not the person I thought were. I want a new mama." Your not the person I thought you were. Can you believe that?!?! She just cracks me up.

Security Breach

Here I am...writing to you on Massachusetts soil...at work no less. Ok, I know that you all missed me terribly and are looking for the Florida review and I promise, it is coming...and soon. Before I do that though I have a story about airport security that is worth one entry in itself.

Ryun brought a carry on bag containing his state elevator testing materials, assorted pens and pencils, a stapler, and a staple remover. Logan to Orlando: no problems. Leaving Orlando, Ryun's bag was "xrayed" and apparently they saw something suspicious in it so they had to manually check it. While it was being examined I said to Ryun, "I wonder what is in your bag that they are questioning?" The woman checking his bag said in a very accusatory tone, "A small leatherman perhaps?" A leatherman is a small hand held tool. Ryun had to take his shoes off and was scanned with a wand. It turned out to be the staple remover. Apparently, the FAA bans it because it is a sharp object. Yeah, let me gouge your eye out with a staple remover. Whatever, better safe than sorry I guess. They confiscated it and we boarded. As we were boarding we noticed a sign that said, "Newly allowed carry on items." Don't you worry my beauty conscious readers, according to the sign, it is now legal to bring an eyelash curler on board. Thank God because damn, I was concerned that mine may have straightened while on board. Phew.

Anyway, my point in telling you this? The "heightened security" at Logan missed the illegal staple remover. Pretty scary...Logan is one of the airports that allowed numerous terrorist through that subsequently high jacked two planes, killing thousands. Obviously, Ryun had no intentions of using the staple remover as a weapon but, if he got on with that, it makes you wonder what else could get by. I don't know...you would think that things would be a bit improved, or you would hope anyway.

Ok, so tomorrow be faithful readers I will share the intimate (well maybe not intimate) details of our trip and you will get the official Florida Review! YIPEE!

Valentine's Day, 2002

Ok, so I lied. I just couldn't let Valentine's Day go by without telling my family and friends in a very public way how much they mean to me. So, if you are reading this, you are about to get "smothered" in love, which, from my perspective isn't a bad thing at all. If you are reading this and I hardly know you, in a sense I love you too...you are reading my journal and that just tickles me pink. No sarcasm there, I am serious.

So, I was feeling inspired and wrote a poem. I do that from time to time...get inspired that is. It doesn't always result in poem writing or any form of writing at all actually. For example, I recently was inspired by some unknown force to organize all of my pictures...a mammoth undertaking for someone as camera happy as me. Once in a while, I am even inspired to do something really good...like for a whole week not drink coke. I am a coke addict...the BEVERAGE people...just in case there was any confusion. Giving it up even for a day is a HUGE feat for me, more of an undertaking than even the pictures. But anyway, the poem. I wrote it pretty quickly...sometimes it takes a long time for the words to come, but like I said, I was feeling inspired. So here you go...a 100% authentic Sharon original.

To my family and friends, on Valentine's Day, your love and support mean more than I can say.

Your friendship grows with each passing year, the memories we've made I will always hold dear.

For all of you I wish only the best, love happiness and great success.

Know that I am here, no matter what comes your way, I love you all and Happy Valentine's Day.

I should write for Hallmark don't you think?!?!

In all seriousness, there is nothing more important to me than my family and friends. Each and every one of you have been and continue to be an important and cherished part of my life. So, on Valentines Day, 2002 I thought I should let you know. As times change, and we each go through our own individual lives, it brings me great comfort to know that, no matter what I have family and friends that I can always fall back on. I love you and feel honored to have you in my life.

To end this on a somewhat "silly" note I am going to leave you with the theme song from "The Golden Girls", one of my favorite classic tv shows.

Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down the road and back again

Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party

Invited everyone you ever knew

You would see the biggest gift would be from me

And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend. God,, I just love that song!

For the love of God and all that is holy, read this entry!

For those of you in Massachusetts who watch the news, you are most likely aware of the current scandal going on within the Archdiosese of Boston. Cardinal Law has now turned over 80 priests within the Archdiosese that have been accused of molesting children. Apparently, Cardinal Law covered these cases up, allowing the priests to continue serving the churches of Masschusetts, after attending some kind of "rehab" type program.

Is that sick or what? Ok first of all, you would think that a man of God such as Cardinal Law would not allow such a thing. It is beyond me. How could he cover up such a horrible act, 80 times no less?

Secondly, as if that was not bad enough, it sickens me to think that a priest could commit such a horrible, demeaning crime. I know that they are not "superhuman" and of course, like everyone else they sin. But, Christ (if you will pardon the expression) saying "oh shit" or even stealing something is forgivable. Molesting an innocent child or anyone for that matter is not, not forgivable by a long shot. How could Cardinal Law let that go?

Ryun and I were talking about the whole vow of celibacy thing and he said that priests should just be allowed to have sex. Whether or not they decided to change the rules in that regard would not really matter to me, but I do not think that it would solve the problem to be honest. Most, if not all of the children that were molested by these 80 or so priests were boys. So unless these priests just happen to be gay and attracted to these boys, as far as I am concerned the reason behind these molestations is not due to lack of sex. The damn hand works just as well. These priests are sick individuals...just as sick as the asshole of the street who rapes/molests a child. That aside, when they chose to enter the priesthood, they decided to devote their lives to God and live without sex. If they could not live up to that agreement, they should lose the collar. I am not trying to make it sound easy. A life without sex or even just a life partner would be a hard vow to make...but those priests did and for them to use young children as an outlet is just incomprehensible.

This scandal has done nothing in the way of maintaining my faith in God or the church. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God and on occasion attend church. I just have a lot of resentment and a lot of questions. As a god-fearing Christian my whole life (well, maybe not god-fearing but a Christian just the same) it just sickens me to have lost such a powerful trust in the priests, the church, in God himself. When things of this magnitude happen, I find myself asking why God would allow such a thing. I try to convince myself that really, it is the temptation known as the devil that allows it. However, whether it be God, the devil or some other power it is still a difficult thing to swallow.

I was raised a Roman Catholic. As a child, I attended church regularly and, I continued to do so throughout college for the most part. During college, I really began to have a lot of questions. I actually felt guilty for having sex before I was married. I felt bad about drinking under age. When I came home from school and about 8 months later got pregnant, I told my mother that I did not want to go to church anymore once I started to show. I was afraid of being judged by fellow churchgoers, never mind God. I have pretty much gotten past all of that and really try to make decisions based on what I feel and not by how others do or how God will react. I don't attend church regularly anymore but, as most practicing or formerly practicing Catholics know, there is a sense of guilt that comes along with not attending. The catholic church has a wonderful way of instilling guilt. Its a great feeling, really. Yeah right.

Although I have my own reservations about the catholic churches rules and policies, I still feel betrayed in some way by the scandal and the lack of trust and dignity I feel towards the church and all of its counterparts as a result. It is just so shocking and well, rather disappointing to put it mildly.

I don't honestly know if I will ever attend again regularly. I would like to say that I would, but that decision has only been made more difficult in light of recent events. It is really hard to have faith in something/someone that is actually practicing just what they preach against (lying, dishonesty etc.).

Freaking Adelphia

Yay Patriots! As a life long (all 26 years!) New Englander and lover of the sport of football I am so happy that the Pats won! I watched the game at work and it was fun...a total blow of night...ate food, watched the game and basically screwed around all night. It was a good time...and I got paid for it!

Ok, now down to business. Ryun disconnected my piece of shit computer and connected my father's old one. This was supposed to make me happy but guess what? It didn't. For some reason, my computer can not find an IP address. I called Adelphia Powerlink Tech Support and they have insisted that it is my computer and that they can not help me. What a fucking surprise ...Powerlink not taking any responsibility and not offering to help. Sorry, I know I work for the company but what the hell? Can't they ever do anything right? I know it is not the computer itself...it has something to do with the settings which if they would tell me what they were, I would change them. I will be calling tomorrow to rip them a new one demand that they tell me the proper settings. Anyway, my point in sharing this (aside from just to vent) was that until this is fixed I will not have internet access. Sadly, this means no email and no updates for a day or two.

The reason I did not get this resolved today was because I was interrupted by a loud crash and a wailing two year old. The little devil climbed right out of her crib and had a face to face meeting with the hardwood floor. Ouch. She got a slightly bloody nose and a big bump on her chin. So, guess what Mommy did (after I consoled her of course)? Went out a bought her a new bed. A bed...and yes, I did get a bit teary eyed. She's growing up too fast. Can't we just stop time for a little while? I love watching her and her sister grow, learn and explore but its just that they are doing it too fast.

I called Ryun to see how she did with the bed. He said she only got out once. When she did fall asleep she had thrown the blanket and pillow off and just slept on the sheet with her "night-night" (the blanket she brings to bed every night). She must look so small...

Emily stayed up with Daddy to watch the game tonight. How cute. She said she wanted Dad to teach her all about football. He did and she will remember every thing he said. She's good like that.

Ok, so sorry that this last entry for a day or two is not exactly the deepest most exciting thing you will ever read but you got to hear about my kids...and that is more excitement than most people can handle!

One Of Those Days

I am at work where, despite the falling snow, it is quiet. Normally when a storm hits, the cable goes out, making my night at work miserable. Thankfully tonight that is not the case and everyone is happily watching the Patriots playoff game.

Anyway, the past twenty four hours or so have been, well, draining. Ryun and I planned our trip to Disney, sort of. He said he wasn't into "planning" things and would rather just play it by ear. He has never been to Disney and has no concept of the enormity of it and how much we will need to fit in to the short amount of time we will be there. I am not saying a minute by minute, blow by blow plan, just a general idea. Well, reluctantly he agreed to join me but his lack of excitement took the "fun" out of it.

Katie had a rough night sleeping and woke up a few times in the night crying. I hardly slept at all as a result. Ryun however slept soundly, as he could sleep through a bomb blast right on his nightstand. When morning came, I had hoped to be able to sleep in, especially since I had to be up until 3:00am for work. Ryun was "huffy" about getting up so I just said screw it and got up myself. I am very tired as a result as I only got about three hours of sleep in the past twenty four. I have also had a lot on my mind which always makes me feel tired. it would be safe to say that it has been one of those days...

Ouch

It's been a rough couple of days...literally. Yesterday I was on my way downstairs and when I was about halfway down, my slipper came off of my foot. I lost my footing and fell (actually slid) on my butt and back down five or six hardwood stairs. Ouch. I was holding Katie in front of me at the time but because I slid and didn't fall head over heels, she was fine. Later on that afternoon I was transferring laundry and wacked my left hand on the dryer, hard. Today, I haven't incurred any new injuries but as a result of yesterdays accidents, I feel like I have been hit by a truck, and parts of me even look like I have been hit by a truck. My left arm and wrist(which are already painful due to severe carpel tunnel) have nice pattern of bruises as a result of the fall and the laundry incident. My right arm is about the same (though not quite as bad) and the small of my back has a bruise so bad it looks black. Pretty much every bone from my waist up is aching. I spent a good part of the day doing nothing because it hurt too much to move.

On a lighter note and a much happier one we have had some potty training success! We made such a big deal out of the fact that she went potty on the toilet that Katie was even saying, "Yeah bathroom."

A co-worker of mine just called and told me that they have installed mirrors in the hallways at work and have been moving peoples desks around. ARGHH. I am happy with where mine is and I hate moving things around. The mirrors are kind of weird too. I am sure it is so they can keep tabs on where everyone is and what they are doing. All I have to say is thank god I work on weekends when I don't have to worry about such silliness.