Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Because I don't want my kids to do SHARP this summer? Maybe it's because the only reason I don't want them to do it is sheer laziness? It would mean two weeks of being out of the house by 8:30 in the morning and dude, it's summer. I am so looking forward to just relaxing and not having to do the "rush rush" of every day life.

It's not like we don't have an action-packed summer planned already. We are vacationing in NH for a week, Cape Cod for another, and they will be going to a week-long Girl Scout Camp...not to mention spending plenty of time over at the pool, and whatever other fun things we plan. I think we are going to try and reserve the library pass to go to the Museum of Science to see the Baseball Hall Of Fame Exhibit. We also just got tickets to go see the Pawsox.

So really, it's not like SHARP is the only thing they would be doing,if they were, an d I am taking it away.

Grr...mom guilt? Take a hike!

Confession

When my kids do something wrong, I question whether or not a did a good job teaching them right from wrong. I almost always feel horribly guilty.

"Mom" guilt is a wonderful thing.

I have no idea how to get beyond that. No idea, especially when I know that deep down, my daughter knows that it would be inappropriate to kick another student, no matter what they said or did. If she knows, then why did she do it?

Hormones? Poor judgment? Maybe this kid had been giving her such hard time that she had just reached her breaking point? Who knows.

Either way? I need to stop second-guessing myself. It just makes matters worse, and can't possibly be good for my mental health.

Re-joining

For some reasons which may be obvious, and some which may not, I have been thinking a lot lately about re-joining the workforce, even perhaps sooner then when I had originally planned on it (when Julia is in kindergarten). Obviously money is always a factor. I mean we are fortunate to be able to afford to live (with an occasional extra thrown in here and there) on Ryun's pay check but let's face it, the next 18-20 years? They're going to be expensive. We have all kinds of things to consider, not the least of which is the fact that it seems that everything, even the basic necessities of life like clothing, get more and more expensive the older the children get. This doesn't account for any of the extra things, like what extra-curricular costs there may be should the kids decide they want to pursue any outside interests, or cars when they are old enough to drive, proms, graduation parties, and any other thing that might come up. And, let's not forget about college. I can't even fathom how expensive that will be if the kids decide to go. Oh and did I mention that we have three girls? Three girls=three potential weddings. Yikes. I fully expect that they themselves will be contributing to some of these things by getting a job when they are able. I had to and really, I don't think there is any good lesson learned in giving them everything they want, even if we could. To me the underlying message sent when everything is handed to them on a silver platter is that they aren't capable of "getting" for themselves. That though, is a whole other entry.

Beyond the obvious factor of more money being a good thing? I think I am having some sort of identity crisis. I feel like my brain, in the 9 or so years of my "stay-at-home-momhood" has been, well, largely unused. That is not to say that a great amount of brain power is not used when deciding things like who should get the one orange crayon in the bunch, or when negotiating with a wannabe teenager, or when your three year old has one of those "needy days" that leaves literally no time for anyone or anything else. I can tell you first-hand, massive amounts of brain power are needed, if not not just to maintain a level head. And? As difficult as this may be to admit? I'm getting bored. Like seriously bored. God knows how much I love her, but conversations with a three year old...as funny and cute and adorable they can be at times, there are also times where explaining the same thing over and over again gets monotonous, and annoying for that matter. The poor kid is getting the short end of the stick by default. Being the third child means that I have already done this twice, and have been doing it for nine plus years (I worked full time for the first year of Emily's life). As much as I love being home, I am getting to the point of hating it equally as much. I feel horrible and guilty for even saying that.

I doubt that I will decide to go back to anything before kindergarten starts for Julia. Financially speaking, it really doesn't make any sense to pay for day care, and, I am not sure that would be an environment that I would want her in anyway (not knocking anyone who goes that route by choice or need it's just not something I feel would work in to our lives). And after all I just said? I don't think I am emotionally ready to leave her yet, because as hard as this can be sometimes? I just love that kid to pieces.

FYI

Other things I am hoping to include on this blog include...

...articles and opinion regarding the "stay at home or go to work" controversy.

...actual confessions, as the title implies (you know like, yes, I actually do watch Days Of Our Lives a couple of times a week (and by the way what the heck is up with the whole John Black thing?)).

...personal stories about my own experiences as a Mom, my kids, and whatever else seems to fit here rather than in one of my other blogs.