Can't Smile Without You

Yeah, I know, I am a slacker. I haven't updated in awhile. Well, here I am, so don't fret. Your withdrawal symptoms should be subsiding now.

I just bought a cd collection called, " The Greatest Hits Of The 80's" and let me just tell you it rocks. I also bought "Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits." Please, just don't even ask. Lets just say that my musical tastes vary.

I keep having dreams that my teeth are falling out, rather falling out and shattering into pieces. Sometimes my gums are bleeding afterward, and sometimes I just dream that I have a loose tooth. Don't laugh. This is serious! Here is what Dream-Land about the meaning behind this..."Teeth represent the fidelity to self, the degree to which we support our decisions, respect our inner choices and remain true to what we love. Having your teeth harmed or removed reflects a compromise or decision which involved a deep and highly personal cost. False, loose or crumbling teeth reflect stresses, problems and difficulties at work. For a woman, to dream of a tooth loss and severe gum bleeding denotes that she is involved into an abusive relationship. Seeing healthy white teeth in the dream indicates that you have much personal freedom."

Yikes! Now that can not be good. I generally don't take dreams too seriously but I do to an extent believe that some dreams can reflect reality, especially recurring ones. At first I thought it meant that I wasn't taking good care of my teeth which, of course is absurd seeing as how that is one of the very few things I am methodical about. Still, until I read this I have practically been brushing my teeth until my gums bled. Scary shit though huh?

Moving on...here are the results of an email quiz I got today. Generally, I find these to be silly and a waste of time but this one was rather interesting, so here goes.

1. What would you consider to be the happiest moment of your life? I have two. One was at 5:48PM on June 1, 1997 (Emily's birth date and time) and at 10:47am on November 25, 1999 (Katherine's birth date and time).

2. What would you consider to be the saddest time in your life? When my grandmother died.

3. If you could back in time and change one decision you made would you and what decision would you change? I wouldn't. I can honestly say I have no regrets. Every decision or choice I have made has helped shape the person I am today...all of the good and the bad. Every experience has been an opportunity to learn. "If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would decline, for life would no longer teach me anything."

4. What would you describe as the worst physical pain you have ever experienced? Now, that's a no-brainer. I have had two children all natural, with no drugs. Katherine's labor was worse, much more intense and painful. I even cried and (gasp) swore at Ryun. Next in line would be the birth of Emily. I would do it again without giving it a second thought. Despite the mind-numbing, excruciating pain of childbirth, there simply is nothing as amazing or as magical. Nothing at all. Then, right up there with childbirth would be when I was having gallbladder attacks. That hurt like a bitch. Take like the worst indigestion you have ever experienced and multiply by...I don't know, lets say a million. Then take that and multiply by another million...well, you get the point. It hurts, a lot.

5. Is there a cause you feel so strongly for that you would die for it? The only thing, or, I guess I should say people I would die for would be my children. Basically, I would die the most horrifyingly painful death imaginable to protect and/or defend them. Other than that, causes I feel strongly about would be equal rights for all human beings no matter race, gender, religion etc., and world peace. Seriously, as silly as that may sound, I really think the world would be a happier place if we were all given equal opportunity and remained peaceful. Why can't we all just get along?

6. What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? Well, hello. I guess I would want them to say that I was a smart, loving, caring, considerate, senstive, beautiful, loyal, and dedicated person. Of course, half of that would be a lie but it sure as hell sounded good didn't it? ;)

7. Your definition of love. Love is most definitely indefinable, at least not without getting into "psycho-babble." I can tell you it is something you feel from head to toe, to the very depths of your soul, and if you are lucky enough to find it, you should never, ever let it go. Hey that ryhmes...how cute.

8. Is there anyone or anything in this world that you truly, with every fiber of your being, hate? Hate is a rather strong word. There are a lot of things and/or people that I can say I dislike, but no one or nothing that I actually have an all-consuming hate for.

9. How would you describe your self to other people? I would say that I am a very patient, kind, loyal and sensitive person. I would also say that I am stubborn, mean, disloyal and insensitive.

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I do not feel ashamed

I'm your health, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

You know you wouldn't want it any other way"

10. How do you think people perceive you? I think people generally see me as a good person, with a good sense of values and ideals. Somtimes, I think people view me as, well an angel, which in all honesty can be true, but it just irks me sometimes. I kind of like that whole "bad girl" image rather than the "sugar sweet" "wholesome" one. Oh well...what can you do?

Oh yeah, and for anyone who didn't catch the significance of this entry's title, it is the title of Barry Manilow song. Get it? Can't Smile Without You...teeth falling out etc? God, I am just so creative. I know you were thinking that. I know.

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