So, I finally figured out what it is that is behind my concerns about Emily and the whole growing up thing. It's fear. Fear of what you might ask? Fear of well, just the world in general. It has suddenly occured to me that because she will be in school and involved with many different people, that Ryun and I (and other close family and friends) will not be her only role models or influences. She will be exposed to other children, teachers, and parents on a daily basis. And, there is just something about that that scares me a bit. I of course am not saying that I want to protect her from these experiences. I am however saying that I hope as parents, family members, and friends, we have all given her a good moral background,one which she can use as a guide through life and one in which she will make positive decisions and choices for herself and others. I hope that I particularly have done a "good job" with her and shown her how important it is to realize that people are different, have different ideas and ways of doing things, and that it is not ok to judge people based on, well, based on anything I guess. I hope I have done my part showing her to be compassionate, thoughtful, and considerate of others and I hope that no matter what experiences she encounters, she remembers that what is really important in this world is what you give, not what you have. She is only going to kindergarten and maybe this all seems to in depth but I am talking long term here. This really is just the beginning of the next "life stage" if you will. The next 12-13 years will help shape the rest of her life and the person she will become.
"In this world, it is not what we take up, but what we give up that makes us rich."
I don't doubt myself as a parent. I know I am a good mother and that I have done the best that I can by my children. I don't doubt myself as a person either. I am a good person. I am generous, kind, and considerate to myself and others and I know that my children will learn partly from the example I set, as well as their own thoughts and ideas about things. The fear I have is of the "other" people in this world. Its just hard to give up such an important role in her life...well not give up but allow others in. A little selfish of me I guess.
I don't think the world is such a terrible place. I just know that there are terrible things and basically, part of me wishes I could prevent my children from experiencing pain in any way. Notice I said part of me. I think all experiences can teach something, even painful ones. Some painful situations can teach you just how lucky you are to have what you do, others can teach you how sometimes, depsite your best efforts, things don't always work out. I think that no matter how uncomfortable it may be, it is just as important to feel pain and anger as it is to feel joy and happiness. It's just that I know how pain and anger feel, and a tiny little part of me wishes my children never had to know that feeling.
"If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would decline, fo life would no longer teach me anything."
No comments:
Post a Comment