How Much Is Too Much/Too Little?

How much help do you provide your child when it comes to completing a homework assignment?  How do you handle it when, even after explaining the scenario, your child is so frustrated by the process that she is in hysterics saying she can't do it? These questions are not rhetorical so by all means, feel free to answer.

There really is no way to put this gently.  Katherine has more trouble putting a sentence together, forming a paragraph and summarizing a book/passage than I have ever seen.  It doesn't seem right to me that it is still so difficult more than halfway through her fifth grade year. This only comes out in her writing; her speaking and language is fine (though generally it is very simplistic). 

These problems are not new to Katherine.  In both first and second grade she received Title I services for reading/ ELA.  She made some decent gains and was dropped for third and fourth grade.  I still thought at that point that she needed extra reinforcement particularly with writing.  Toward the end of fourth grade, after many discussions with her teacher (who saw some of the same problems but attributed Katherine's struggles to more of an attention/motivation concern), I decided to request an evaluation.  The results indicated that she had pretty much average capabilities across the board.  I would have to look back, but I don't specifically remember her being given any kind of writing assignment as part of the testing.  There is no question in my mind that this would have indicated a marked weakness for her had such a test been administered.

A number of weeks after Katherine's most recent report card, I checked in with her teacher, explaining some of my serious concerns with her writing and asked her if she had made any progress since the report card came out.  She said she had some of the same concerns and suggested we meet.  At the meeting we both agreed that the problem was real and her teacher suggested that since her testing came back okay,  perhaps we should go the medical route and see if there was another possibility (read: ADHD).  After filling out parent and teacher surveys, we met with the doctor, who said, yes, based on our discussion and surveys it seems like she may have the ADHD: inattentive type.   She thought medication would be the best route and though I didn't jump right on that bandwagon with Emily,  by this time with Katherine, it just seemed like the right thing to do.  So here we are three or four weeks in to the medicine (which is supposed to be fast acting as in immediate) and nothing has changed.  She isn't on a high dose (10 mgs which could go as high as 30-40 mgs but the doctor said that is usually what they would prescribe a teen) and of course, the first medicine tried might not work.  Katherine was so frustrated and worked up about this specific writing assignment that she was hysterically crying and having serious stomach pains.  Seriously, I was half jokingly wondering in my own thoughts if the child needed an anti-anxiety medication as well.

I can't be their frontal lobe....my own has a problem functioning correctly for me never mind trying to do the work for someone else. So, in the instance of this assignment, I made her do half of it.  I could not see forcing her to finish it in the condition she was in.  The quality of her work would have suffered above and beyond the struggles she already has with it and besides that, I felt really bad for her.  Should fifth grade really be this stressful?  It's freaking fifth grade.  Admittedly, we should have started this assignment earlier on in the weekend.  Instead, we enjoyed a stress free, fun family weekend and I refuse to feel guilty about that.  I am going to send in a note to her teacher with the part of the assignment that is complete and let her know that the rest will be in on Tuesday.  Maybe this is a cop out.  I don't know and really, I don't care.

What I do know is that for Katherine's sanity and mine, we need to figure something out, and quickly.

All advice, constructive criticism, and thoughts are welcome and appreciated.

A Not So New Revelation

Being a good parent is really, really hard.  It not like this is news to me or anything but it just hits me once in a while.  I wish I could somehow know that the decisions I make now are the right ones for later.  Wishful thinking though that may be, it would certainly help ease my mind sometimes.

Do you ever...

...just want to apologize to your kids for their poor fortune in inheriting your worst qualities and traits?  Or for their genetic makeup that was not of their choosing(obviously)?  I don't know...maybe I am the only one. 

I was thinking about this after a recent discussion with Katherine's teacher.  You all know (well anybody that has been following this blog for a while knows) that my oldest daughter Emily has ADD.  I don't think I or my parents necessarily realized it at the time but reflecting back, and looking at myself now as an adult, there isn't a doubt in my mind that I am the picture perfect painting of someone with attentional issues.  It manifests in different ways as an adult.  I am the world's worst procrastinator(though I do find that under pressure is the only way I work to my capacity).  I jump from one thing to another before I have finished the first thing.  My follow through skills leave a lot to be desired.  I would literally forget my entire life if I didn't have it staring me down in multiple locations...calendars, post it notes, electronic devices etc.  I can't even tell you what I am doing tomorrow without consulting my calendar.  I don't plan anything that I am not forced to (for example scheduled appointments).

For Emily, her concerns are a direct result of her confirmed medical issues.  After she was diagnosed with Epilepsy, as part of a normal barrage of testing to find out if her seizures had a definable cause, her MRI came back showing a "never before seen" abnormality in the frontal lobes of her brain.  Since the frontal lobes control all things like attention and other executive functions, Emily's concerns in this area make sense.  Though I have never had an MRI of my brain, I have no reason to believe that I have this same condition, nor do I for Katherine who is progressively displaying some of the same symptoms her sister and I have displayed, and some different ones as well.

It becomes clearer to me as we move through this life that these types of things obviously "run" in families.  Whether there is an identifiable medical concern that could cause such attention deficits as in Emily's case, or if it is some intricate part of our genetic make up, I do not know.  It is possible that simply the way we live our everyday lives has some influence on this as well.  Are we making the right decisions about certain things?  Could situations be handled in different ways achieving different outcomes in regard to the level of attention that is given?

I don't know the answers and I suspect I never will, at least not in a concrete sort of way.  What I do know is this: I need to get rid of the guilt. I also need to remind myself that they may have gotten the worst but they also got the best of me.  And if the best of me is some of what I see in them everyday?  The best of me is pretty damn good.

Dear Emily and Katherine,

Please remember to be very specific with your younger, very literal, sees everything as black or white sister.  For example, if you are telling her that you don't want her following you, please be sure to also say that it doesn't mean that she can't even be in the same room as you, or that you may not tolerate her following you every once in a while.  Otherwise she will think that because you said it once, you mean it to be a permanent thing.  If you then say that she can come in the room you are in, she will accuse you of lying when you told her not to follow you in the first place.  If you are letting her use one of your toys, please make her aware of the "terms of use."  If she can use your doll but you don't want her taking said doll's shoes off or if she can use your DSi game but for only a limited time, you must make her aware of this.  If you aren't very specific, your doll's shoes could be removed and, she may think that you have in fact given her the DSi game for an unlimited time and possibly even forever. For Julia, it's all in the details.  Please be generous and abundant when providing them.  In the case of Julia, there is no such thing as too much information.

Sincerely, Mom

Silly Ladybug

Last night, shortly after Julia had gone to bed, I heard a blood curdling scream, followed by crying come from her room.  I ran out of the office to see what had happened, expecting to find, I don't know, maybe a missing limb or something.  Instead, I found her sitting up in bed, crying with a look of sheer terror on her face.  When I asked what was wrong, she said, "There was a hard bug...and it was in my hair!"  Whatever it was had vacated her head (we discovered that it was a lady bug that we found on her bed a few minutes later)so I hugged her, told her it was ok and tried, in vain, to settle her down.  Nothing was working to calm her...she was seriously scared, and no explanation of anything was working.  Julia being Julia had many, many questions about the whole thing .  How did it get in the house?  Why are bugs attracted to light?  Should I shut off my aquarium?  Should we shut off the hall light?  Are slugs attracted to light because slugs rhymes with bugs (No, I am not kidding, she really said that)?  How did I finally get her to settle down enough to go back to sleep?  Observe the picture below taken a few nights ago with my phone camera:

I told her that the one that landed in her hair must have thought that her ladybug Pillow Pet was a real lady bug and they were going to hang out.  After basically a good twenty minutes of crying, questioning, and me playing a live version of an encyclopedia on bugs, this explanation elicited this response from Julia, followed shortly by her peacefully falling asleep: "That ladybug is so silly!  Didn't he know that my Pillow Pet was too big to be a real lady bug?"

Seriously, I love that kid!

Sometimes...

...I really miss having a kid at home with me. I know...crazy right?

Little things remind me of this. Today it was running in to the store and seeing a young girl and and her mom laughing together. She couldn't have been more than three or so. It didn't help that she could have been Julia's sister with the beautiful blond hair and brilliant blue eyes. I thought to myself, "That moment was Julia and I not so long ago."

Yesterday, I turned the tv on and the last channel watched must have been Disney. There on the screen was, "The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse", one of Julia's favorite shows as a toddler. I'll be darned if I didn't catch myself saying out loud, "Aww, I miss watching this with Julia." It wasn't the show I missed obviously...it was Julia.

So yes, she is back for year two of full day kindergarten and this is just hitting me now. I don't know why the delay. All I know is that there are some days that I wish time travel was possible because if it was...I would go back.

If someone could please tell me...

...how it is even possible that next week I will be going to an informational meeting at Middleboro High School for parents of incoming first year students, that would be great.

And really how does this happen in what literally feels like the blink of an eye?

She was just two weeks old in that picture and I swear to God and all that is holy it was just like yesterday that I took that.

This year...

...is Julia's last year at the MECC (she will have been there for 4 years including public preschool), Kate's last year in elementary school, and Emily's last year in middle school.

So next year? I will have one entering the 1st grade, one starting middle school and one starting high school.

If someone could please figure out how to stop time that would be ok with me.

It's called parenting...

...and if you are not going to do it, then you shouldn't have kids. And that folks, is what this really boils down to for me.

As a parent, I assumed certain responsibilities including providing adequate health care, education around food and exercise, limited time with the computer and video games and other things related to being an overall healthy person. This is one of the many responsibilities I have as a parent. Am I perfect? No. Have I been a little slack here and there with this type of thing? of course (see the part that says I am not perfect). Am I myself overweight? Yes. Does this mean that I do not provide the tools necessary for my kids to make better choices than I have? No.

There is no denying that in many respects, in many instances and on many different levels, parents have slacked off (just because I am not one of them doesn't mean that I deny their existence). There is also no denying that schools have had to pick up the slack. Here's my question...how much money is the school spending on being parents rather than on providing a sound education for the students which is actually their job? I would be remiss if I did not point out the obvious contradictions of less gym time, less recess time and crap food served in the cafeteria (which admittedly has improved but is still not up to par with what I would consider healthy). If the state is going to tell the school to measure and report on BMI then the state should also provide the funding to keep gym in the curriculum more than once a week or less and completely overhaul what is being served in the cafeteria. Cut recess time to spend more time in Math class or leave recess alone so the kids can get the exercise they need to maintain a healthy lifestyle? I think it's time the schools and the state decide on their priorities and perhaps try and line them up with the realities of what their jobs entail...which is not to report on whether my kid is overweight or not. (By no means am I a proponent of cutting recess for any reason; I am just pointing out the conflict and mixed messages that are being sent).

The report that is sent home says that BMI may not offer a complete picture of your child. If this is true, and again, if the schools must be involved, why aren't they doing other things to measure and report on this? Perhaps it is because they can't. A complete picture can not be taken without all of the facts. How does the school know how much physical activity my child gets outside of school, whether they eat whole grains, or if they eat their vegetables? A complete picture is simply not possible when school officials only see the kids for 6 odd hours a day. So I ask, why bother reporting on only one piece of what could be a very complicated puzzle?

I also find it hard to believe the reporting is having any positive effect on the obesity problem. Any good pediatrician has been reporting to parents on this type of thing for years and what good has it done? The obesity problem has only increased. As my wise mother pointed out on my Facebook post, you don't need a measurement to determine if you are overweight, all you need is a mirror. Does anyone actually think that the very parents this new initiative is trying to target are going to be jolted in to action as a result of these reports? Clearly, the reporting is meant to target those slacker parents who aren't doing their job. I highly doubt a report from the school is going to change their entire way of life.

This is just one of many examples in which the school and state have had to assume the responsibilities that have been neglected by some parents. It's difficult not to wonder how much their academic education has suffered because of all the time, money and effort that has had to be spent on this. Hey slacker parents, it's time to step up!

Somebody...

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby...

Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal," is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct...

Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring ......

Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will turn out good...

Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices...

Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.

Somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math.

Somebody said you can't love the third child as much as you love the first...

Somebody doesn't have three children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books ...

Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery...

Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ...

Somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married...

Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home...

Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her...

Somebody isn't a mother.

Happy Mother's Day to all Moms, most especially my own mother to whom I will be forever grateful for the love and support she gives everyday!

I'd Like To Know Where You Got The Notion

Sometimes I like my don't rock the boat attitude, sometimes I don't. 

A situation has come up with Emily at school that clearly requires my attention.  I have already begun addressing it and have every confidence that I will see it through but, in typical "Shazzy style"  I am dreading what has yet to come; more than likely getting myself all worked up and anxious for no reason at all.  I have no idea why I do this to myself consistently.   I suppose it would make sense to share the story.

Emily came home from school yesterday and said, "Mom, I don't feel like I am being counted in Mrs. Teacher's class."  It took me a while to respond.  I was to busy saying to myself, "Wow...did my daughter just say that?  How...profound."  I don't need to worry about Emily's ability to put her feelings in to words.  Clearly, she has mastered that art.  When I asked her to elaborate, she went on to say that Mrs. Teacher had told her that she was missing three assignments, three assignments which Emily had indeed done and remembered passing in.  After looking further,  one assignment was found in the teachers things and one was hanging on display in the classroom.  Both had Emily's name on them.  One assignment is still MIA.  Standalone, this situation is not ok.  Coupled with a little history and Emily's general feelings about her relationship with the teacher, this situation is serious.

Emily's grade in science last term was, well, not indicative of what she is capable of.  A big part of her grade was the fact that she had six missing assignments. If I am being honest here, I should share that disorganization and forgetfulness are Emily's biggest struggles in school.  This is really an entirely different entry but for now suffice it to say that Emily having six assignments missing, while it seemed a bit excessive was not exactly shocking.  When I spoke with her teacher at parent/teacher conferences last term, her teacher mentioned that she was missing a couple of labs, but that she could come during directed study to make them up.  Emily was insistent that she had done them the first time but that she would go do them again during study.  When I questioned her at the time, she indicated that she had gone and made up the labs as she was supposed to.  While I don't know for sure that the missing work at the time included the labs that she had made up, there were labs listed as missing on the report her teacher sent home before report cards with her grade on it.

So herein lies the problem.  There were some questions regarding whether or not work was indeed missing last term.  This term there is actual proof (in the form of the papers that the teacher found after the fact) that Emily followed through; brought the work home, did it and turned it in.  This is seriously a HUGE achievement for Emily.  Instead of feeling proud of herself and perhaps building off of that, she was questioned about whether or not the work had been done and as it turns out, it was actually the teacher who was a disorganized mess for a change.  On many levels, this is unacceptable.

The first thing that comes to mind is the lesson this teaches Emily.  For a moment in time, as fleeting as it may have been for her, she did it...from start to finish.  The step by step process that starts in the classroom when the assignment is handed out and ends in classroom when she turns the assignment may seem like a no brainer to some.  For Emily it is the root of every difficulty she has ever had at school.  I do not think I can stress enough how significant this is.  So she actually does everything she is supposed to do and almost doesn't get credit for it?  This is not the message I want Emily to receive.

I am trying to picture the scenario in which a teacher could actually have a paper in hand and not give credit where it is due...not once, but twice and possibly three times.  Did she go through the papers, not see Emily's at first and just assume that because Emily hadn't turned in assignments in the past that maybe she hadn't in these instances?  Was it perhaps more malicious than that?  And really, how does this happen on multiple occasions? 

While the assignments were blatantly obvious indications of Emily feelings of not being counted, there have been other, not so clear cut examples of these feelings being confirmed.  She has said many times that she has said that she didn't think Mrs. Teacher liked her.  On a number of occasions, Emily has said that she has been accused of talking when she wasn't.  There was also an instance in which the kids were working in small groups reading aloud and the teacher told Emily to stop talking when she was in fact reading as she was supposed to be.  While it is true that Emily has been talking at inappropriate times in the past, I get the feeling (as does Emily) that certain things are being assumed of her that are not based in fact and only based on past experiences.  Yes she hasn't turned in homework before and yes, she has talked when she shouldn't have.  This does not mean that every time a situation comes up, she will be at fault.  What kind of message does this kind of treatment send to Emily?  It's not a good one, I can tell you that. 

I spoke with the guidance counselor this morning.  When Emily gets home I will be asking her if she would like to take part in the meeting I will be scheduling with the guidance counselor and Mrs. Teacher. I can certainly advocate on her behalf but, I also see extreme benefit in her advocating for herself right beside me.  After discussing this with Emily, I will be following up with the guidance counselor tomorrow to schedule a meeting.

These are examples from Emily's point of view but I have no reason to doubt that what she is saying to me is true.  I will still listen to the teacher's side when I have the opportunity to discuss this with her.  I know there are two sides to every story and if nothing else, I am willing to hear hers.  I am not one to rush to judgment by any means, but, until I hear the teacher's perspective and have the chance to perhaps look at this from another point of view, I am going to go with my intuition here and say that something isn't right.

Television

How much influence do you think it has on young children/teens? I ask because I am very cautious about what I let my children watch. All ratings over PG/TV14 are locked and only accessible through a code that only Ryun and I know.

I am not naive. I know that much of what is seen or heard on TV that I may deem inappropriate they will see or hear about elsewhere (at school, on the bus etc). I guess I feel like it may be the one thing I have control over. A recent discussion with other family members about the show, "16 and Pregnant" has brought this to the forefront. I need to put it out there that I have never actually seen the show so I base my opinion only on what I have heard about it. Apparently it is a show about teens who get pregnant and what life is like for them. The focus is mainly on the difficulties of children raising children and that most of the teens in the show say if they had it to do over again, they would.

That being said, there are a couple of things that come to mind immediately. Without knowing for sure, I would almost stake my life on the fact that there are teens getting pregnant or trying to just so they can be on the show. There is no way that there aren't teens that would be immature, self serving and immoral enough to consider a show like that, "their big break." Beyond that, and of a more personal nature, no matter how the show is portrayed, I don't want my kids getting their education around sex and all that it entails from TV show. As a parent, that is my job. Yes, there will be other "influences" educating them but TV is the one thing I can control so I say, why not?

As a parent, it is my job to provide my kids with a solid foundation of which they can build and go out in to the world. They will form their own opinions, make their own decisions and at some point, watch whatever they want. It is my hope that the education they have received at home will be a strong guiding force in whatever choices they make. Until then, I will continue to do whatever I can to make sure that the foundation is and remains a solid one from which to build.

Being Mom

Sometimes, I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to raising my (almost) teen aged daughter.

Has anyone else ever looked in the mirror or replayed a conversation in your head and wondered afterward if alien forces had somehow invaded and somehow made you say what you said? Or wondered if alien forces had invaded your child and done the same thing? I seem to be having moments like these more often than not. I can't tell you how many times I have said to myself, "Did that really just happen?"

Someone once told me that ages 12-14 were the worst age bracket in regard to mother/daughter relationships. I am beginning to see why that's true. Clearly, I can't do or say anything right. I am also being nosy and overbearing when offering my help in a situation in which she is clearly struggling (no matter that she said she wanted my help to begin with).

I am having a hard time letting go. She is having a hard time remembering that a little more independence comes with age but, some of that independence must be earned. Why do kids want to grow up so fast? Sometimes, being an adult is not all it's cracked up to be. You can trust me on this.

It's hard, despite the moments of joy that I found in raising my oldest daughter, not to long for the days when I was all she ever needed and, I could do no wrong.

"Testing...1...2...3"

"There's a change of clothes in the bottom of your bag in case you get wet."

"Be careful and listen to all the rules...especially the ones the instructors tell you about during your lesson."

"Make sure you keep your money in it's designated spot...your cell phone too."

"Always make sure you are with someone...you know like the buddy system. Never ski alone."

"Remember you only have a specific amount of money and a couple of packed snacks. So if you eat all of your snacks on the way there and you get hungry on the way home, you won't have anything left to eat. Also, make sure you spend your money wisely!"

These comments (and probably a few more I am not remembering), were all made by me to Emily on the way to the school this morning. I had to drop her off bright and early (5:45) so she could catch the bus with student council and go on her first ever ski trip.

This was one of those, "Oh my God I am a Mom" moments and a "Oh my God I sound like my Mom" moments all rolled in to one.

In replaying this in my head, I wonder just how annoying I must have sounded to Emily. Probably very I am guessing.

When we pulled in to the parking lot she wanted to get out and walk to the bus by herself. I said, "C'mon let me just walk you to the bus." With a quick roll of the eyes she agreed and I did...so what if the bus was parked right in front of the school and I was parked in the front row. She boarded and was on her way.

She's home now and of course, she's fine. She didn't lose a single thing and only has one bruise from a fall in which her ski somehow ended up coming in to contact with her hip. She came home with no money (which was ok) and according to her account, she managed to spread it out and make it last.

I am wondering if she would have come home the same way if I didn't say any of what I said.

I don't often second guess myself when it comes to these types of things and I am not really doing that now either. Even if saying what I said only benefited me and had no bearing on her day at all, saying it made me feel better. I am sure, sometime way down the line (perhaps when she is having a moment like this with her own child) she will look back and realize my motivation was purely out of love and concern for her.

Still, I can totally relate to how difficult it can be being the oldest child and I told her that this morning. I explained how she was more than likely going to be the first to do many things and because she was the first, she would probably have to endure more of the parental worry and concern than her sisters. Of course the concern will be there for each child as the venture off in to independence but as most parents know, once one child does something and does it successfully, the nerves and concern lessen and each successive child will have to endure it less. She seemed to understand this.

It's during times like these that I am amazed by how life comes full circle. I could swear it was just the other day when I was having conversations like this with my own mother.

Email From Julia's Teacher

"We were talking about Rosa Parks and how before Rosa Parks if you were black you had to sit at the back of the bus and give up your seat to a white person. We also have a yellow bus and we put our pictures on it to show that anyone can sit where ever they want. WELL - Julia told her bus driver Terri that because of Dr King and Rosa Parks SHE can sit anywhere she wants and does not have to sit in the front. We are making a class dream book and she told me that her dream was that everyone would laugh a lot at least once a day. She even drew a picture of mom tickling her. Just thought I would share. She made the bus driver's day - and of course she makes mine everyday."

Really? There are no words.

Schedule

Tonight's agenda: Mom plays taxi! How is this different from any other night? Well, it isn't really! Although sometimes Dad plays taxi too. Tonight looks like this: bring Kate to basketball practice, leave to bring Em to PTSA (sad I am going to miss), go back to get Kate, then back to Nichols to get Em.

This could be less confusing if I wasn't trying to avoid bringing Julia out past her bed time. Julia goes to bed every night at 7PM and still wakes up at 7AM tired. As much as kindergarten seems to agree with her, this is undoubtedly a side effect. She has always tired more easily (both physically and mentally) than other kids her age. It would also be less annoying if I could drive a stick shift and if Ryun's car sat more than two people comfortably.

Oh well. Such is life.

No Thanks!

Me to Julia (after she walked right past me this morning without so much as a glance): "Please come here for a minute...I need a "good morning" hug!"

Julia: "Um, no thanks, I don't need one."

Responsibility...Where Does Mine End?

How much responsibility do I need to take for Emily's school work and lack of organization skills? How much reminding do I need to do? How much correcting do I need to do? How much is too much? How much is too little?

She's 12. She has ADHD. She's not hyper...just disorganized (more so than the average kid) and slightly impulsive. And, the poor child has a mother who has OCD when it comes to these kinds of things. Nothing is ever in it's correct folder, her locker looks like a tornado blew through and she is frequently missing things she needs for class or homework. Still, to her credit, she's quite smart...perhaps in ways that go beyond her years. Her grades don't generally reflect her disorganization. Most of the time (with Math being the exception) she gets all A's and B's. Disorganization aside, Math is hard for her and if anyone can relate to that, it's me. So my line of thinking is two fold; if she was organized and "together" would she be getting all A's (and really in the scheme of life how important is that?) and, if she can be a disorganized mess and still be successful, does it even matter to begin with?

The bottom line is that I am thinking that it is time for the responsibility to shift a bit. Clearly my nagging and reminding do nothing to help the situation and all suggestions and accommodations we have tried don't appear to work. Trying to get her organized and together causes more arguments and stress than I think is worth it, especially given the fact that the it doesn't appear to be helping get her organized. Emily is old enough to understand consequences. Maybe it's time for me to step back, and just let the natural consequences of her situation take the spotlight? Thoughts?

Question

At what age do you think it appropriate for a child to walk around (with 3 other children of the same age) an amusement park by themselves? Imagine that there will be adults there that the children will be required to check in with at predetermined intervals of time.

What Kind Of Parent Are You?

One of my favorite columns ever is the Washington Post column called, "On Parenting." Today's article is titled, "What Kind Of Parent Are You," and it includes various descriptions/packages a parent usually falls in to.

While I think that my natural tendency would fall in to the "helicopter" parenting, I work hard to avoid hovering. While a certain amount is necessary, especially in the younger years when a parent's support is needed more, constant hovering, in my opinion, does more damage then good. It's an effort for me to let go a little, but I am doing it.

A better description for me would be this: The (occasionally) Helicopter, Soccer/Hockey, Traditionalist, Slacker Mom.

Watchful and involved (sometimes overly so)? Check.

Coordinated schedules/chauffeur? Check.

Stay at home with the kids? Check.

Somewhat organized...forget a permission slip, love my hoodies? Oh hell yeah.