Where the Heck?

So, I basically got nothing productive done around here today...I spent the day wandering the mall aimlessly with my sister instead. I would have had something to do at the mall, a few things actually, had I not forgotten the bag in which I put the few returns we did have.

Whatever, it was fun anyway. Emily was off at her friends house so it was just Katherine, Jules, my sister and I. Which, as much as I love Emily, was nice. Malls and Emily...it just doesn't work.

It usually goes a little something like this:

"Mama can I have this?"

"Mama can I get just one of these?"

"Mama, Katherine would love this, and oh by the way, can I get one too?"

"MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA"

You get see what I am saying.

She did have a great time at her friends though so yeah.

This was her first official "playdate" since she was diagnosed with the seizure disorder and even though she hasn't had one in months(well since mid-October) and has only ever had them upon waking, I obviously still had to tell her friend's mother. Turns out she is a medical assistant at Morton Hospital and is currently going to school to be a nurse. That was a pleasant surprise...not because I was nervous about Emily having one but because I am always afraid that people are going to be weird about it.

For some reason being epileptic tends to have some kind of a stigma attached to it which I just don't understand. I mean anyone that knows Emily would think she is (and she is!) a perfectly normal and healthy 7 year old child. It's not like you can look at her and say, "Oh yeah, she's epileptic." But once some people find out it's like, "Whoa."

To be honest, it kind of (well no not kind of, definitely) pisses me off. My daughter(who for the record is wise beyond her years) has a diagnosed medical condtion. This does not mean that she has emotional and learning disabilities as well. Close minded and assuming people just make me mad.

And I have no idea where that all came from.

This was supposed to be "I had a good day, but I feel like hell because of my cold, so I am going to bed, and hopefully will feel better in the morning" entry.

Oops.

Smart

The baby monitor has always been a useful tool in this house(as I am sure is the case in many houses with small children). I have recently discovered though, that is good for more than just listening for babies...it also happens to work as a "cute conversation monitor" as well.

Emily: "Want me to read you a book?"

Katherine: "No."

Emily: "You have to read books Katherine...tv doesn't teach you anything."

Katherine: "What about my Leap Pad Letters DVD? That teaches me the alphabet."

Emily: "Well, that is the only one."

Baby Monitor

This conversation captured over the monitor while Ryun was still working in Great Barrington...

Scene: first thing in the morning, Emily and Katherine's bedroom.

Emily: "Daddy came home last night, Katherine."

Katherine: "He did?"

Emily: "Yes.

Katherine: "Did he give you a big, tight hug?"

Emily: "Yes he did.

Katherine; "you are so lucky."

Number 5

Katherine:(to Mama first thing in the morning) "You look beautiful."

Mama: "Anyone who tells me I look beautiful first thing in the morning is number 1 in my book."

Katherine: "Actually I am number 5."

Her logic?

She is five years old, so she has to be number 5. Makes sense, no?

Life Decisions

Emily: "Mama, I haven't made a definite decision yet, but I think I might want to be an artist when I grow up because, look how good I drew this picture."

Christmas Party

The Christmas party was great. Ryun's company does such a nice job with everything...from the hotel...to the food...to the gifts they give all employees and their significant others.

I actually had a couple of drinks too, which for me is a little unusual. It diddn't seem to affect me in any way(good or bad) so I guess that was nice.

I talked to Emily's doctor on Friday and he said that Emily's MRI resembles something similar to those who have the Tuberous Sclerosis thing. It's not exactly the same but similar. I am looking forward to her appointment with the other doctor that specializes in this type of thing but, unfortunately, it is not until mid Januuary...at 8:00 in the morning on a Friday. That ought to be a fun drive in to Boston. Yeah.

It sure will be nice to get some definitive results though...if that is at all possible.

Christmas Party and Emily

The Christmas party was great. Ryun's company does such a nice job with everything...from the hotel...to the food...to the gifts they give all employees and their significant others.

I actually had a couple of drinks too, which for me is a little unusual. It diddn't seem to affect me in any way(good or bad) so I guess that was nice.

I talked to Emily's doctor on Friday and he said that Emily's MRI resembles something similar to those who have the Tuberous Sclerosis thing. It's not exactly the same but similar. I am looking forward to her appointment with the other doctor that specializes in this type of thing but, unfortunately, it is not until mid Januuary...at 8:00 in the morning on a Friday. That ought to be a fun drive in to Boston. Yeah.

It sure will be nice to get some definitive results though...if that is at all possible.

Tuberous Sclerosis

So, I called to schedule Emily's 3 month followup appointment at Children's and found out that she has an appointment with another doctor to evaluate her for a possible diagnosis of this.

Not only did I not know about this appointment, but I didn't even know that tuberous sclerosis was a possible diagnosis.

So now I am freaking out(probably with no need I realize)because if she does in fact have this, there is a good possibility that Katherine and Julia could have it too. And that is just without a doubt the worst possible thing I could imagine.

Emily was the picture of health until she turned 7...nothing was wrong with her...nothing at all.

One child with a serious medical condition is enough...in fact it's too much.

Just because one child has it does not necessarily mean the others will and this is not always genetic. Sometimes there is just a "freak" mutation.

As much as I wish Emily did not have to deal with this...I would be ecstatic if she was the only one who had to.

On another and definitely more positive note, I found out that her neurologist sees patients at Cape Cod Hospital every other Thursday! Needless to say, all future appointments will be scheduled there...no more stressful trips to Boston sounds good to me!

HIS Fault

Yesterday, while taking care of the cats, I whacked my head and I have an actual cut. The basement ceiling is only about 5 feet high so you have to walk hunched over while down there, or you'll hit your head. I was hunched over...I just forgot about the crossbeam that supports the floor upstairs. Umm yeah.

I figure that blaming Ryun for this seems appropriate given that he is away and is usually the one taking care of the boys.

Also, when going in to give Julia a kiss on the nose...she decided that would be the time in which she would let out this burp that was as loud as a Boeing and quite possibly as smelly as a sewer. I figure that it is ok to blame Ryun for that too...since she most definitely did not learn that from me.

Hmmm...this is kind of fun...blaming everything on Ryun...heh.

And, since I can't think of anything else to blame him for at the moment, I will end this entry here and now.

Emily Update

So, I have been meaning to do an "Emily" update since we came back from her appointment at Children's last week. It was "good" appointment if any appointment at Children's can be construed such. Provided that all goes well, she does not have to go back for three months, Her medicine is staying the same(same kind, same dose). Everytime we go, it gets just alittle easier.

I mentioned her attention span problems at school(and sometimes even at home)and he gave me a form to fill out, as well as one for her teacher. The form is basically a "Does she do this? Does she do that? "type of questionnaire which is then calculated on some sort of a graph. It is the form that is used to determine whether or not a child has ADD/ADHD. Her neurologist did not feel that the medicine could be having that side effect but that it was more likely a result of her particular neuron disorder.

Speaking of...her MRI has been reviewed and re-reviewed by the best doctors in the field...and no one has ever seen her particular case before. Neuron Migration Disorders are not common in and of themselves...her case is so uncommon that the best of the best have never even seen such a thing. So, she will not be taking part in the study they had planned afterall. Ryun is being scheduled for an MRI to see if what he was told he had as a child (one part of his brain was not as developed as another is what he remembers being told) is the same as what Emily has. If that turns out to be true, both Emily and Ryun will be part of an intensive study trying to figure out exactly what the heck this "thing" is and obviously establishing a genetic connection.

I really, really hope that Ryun's MRI is normal. Please, please don't let this be a genetic thing, I can barely deal with one child having a serious medical problem. The thought that this could affect the other two as well...it's just unbearable.

This is all so surreal. I keep thinking that one day I will be able to deal with this whole thing in a better way. Outwardly, people have actually commented on how well I have been dealing with this...Emily too. When I think about though...God it just tears me up inside.

Scary

The parade went well...except for one rather major thing. When the parade ended, we were supposed to meet up with Emily and her troop back in the school cafeteria, where they were serving cocoa and snacks to the participants. Ryun left the cafe to see if the troop was on the way in. In the meantime, I saw her leaders and all of the girls come in...without Emily. I just assumed that Ryun had met them in the hall and took her to the bathroom or something (I was just a little concerned but not really) Ryun walked in a few minutes later with Emily. I walked up to him and said (half jokingly), "You gave me a heart attack...what did you have to take her to the bathroom or something?" He said no and told me that he found her, outside, near the street, standing with a bunch of strangers. "WHAT?" Apparently, Emily got off of the truck with everyone and some of the parents decided to pick their kids up there...and Emily was left behind. Needless to say, all kinds of bad things started running though my mind...what if she had wandered off looking for us? What of someone took her? What if god forbid she had a seizure? I just had "that feeling" in my stomach...you know the "Oh my God, something terrible could have potentially happened to my baby and what ever would I do" feeling.

Anwyay, I didn't think it was appropriate to discuss this with her leaders with Emily right there so I called when we got home. The leader really didn't have any explanation but she did apologize profusely and hoped that Emily would be coming back to Scouts. I am not going to lie...the thought of switching Emily's troop did cross my mind. I accepted the apology though...and she did sound like she was on the verge or tears(her leader I mean).

God was that scary though. Just knowing that she was out amongst strangers, completely separated from anyone she knew, with hundreds of people walking around...it was scarier than I can even begin to describe.

Thank God Emily had the sense to stay put. She did say that she was a little nervous but generally, she seems unscathed by the whole incident.

I do feel a little bit better talking to the leader and she will be going back. She loves it too much not to send her...and I do feel like the leaders were sincerely sorry.

The parade it self was nice...Katherine had fun collecting candy that was thrown from the float and Julia just watched the whole thing in awe. Emily said that she had fun, and that she saw a number of kids along the route that she knew from school.

I have a Christmas tree/house to decorate and since I don't want to be up until midnight doing it, I think I will go start.

Festivities

Thanksgiving/Katherine's birthday went very well. This was my first time hosting Thanksgiving. I wasn't too nervous really and I had Mom to help me so it was good.

Katherine had a nice day too. I think I may have won the award for "World's Best Mom" when I let her have a cupcake for breakfast. I do that every year for the kids, but each year it seems like a new thing to them. We light a candle and sing Happy Birthday first thing in the morning, and eat a cupcake for breakfast. The kids think it's great...and it's a great way to start the day.

Today we are going to the Middleboro Christmas Parade, which Emily will be taking part in. She is riding on the float with her Girl Scout Troop, dressing up as an elf. She was in it last year as well and she loved it. The parade was great last year so I am
sure it will be this year too.

When we get back, we are decorating the house for Christmas. I am looking forward to it, so are the kids...if they get to help that is. They are supposed to be cleaning their room(which isn't even that bad) and they are busy fooling around. I told them that they had to finish it if they wanted to help. I seriously doubt that they will but I guess I could be suprised.

Emily PT Conference

Last week was Emily's parent-teacher conference.

She is doing very well with her reading(no big surprise there...she loves to read) and is in the highest possible level for her age group.

She is doing okwith her math...moslty she just needs to pay a little more attention so that she doesn't make "silly" mistakes.

The teacher did however have a few concerns.

She talks about things that really have no relevance to what is going on(the teacher is doing a math lesson and Emily raises her hand and starts talking about what she did over the weekend). She sometimes forgets to raise her hand.

Apparently, she is having difficulty getting her work done on time. Her desk is very disorganized and she has a hard time finding things that the teacher asks the class to save and take out on another day.

Her teacher says that Emily is constantly trying to help others with their work. She said that this would be fine, except that Emily is helping others with theirs before she has even finished her own.

The other day she brought home about seven pages that she had not finished at school and had to bring home and do. Apparently, her teacher told her that she would lose recess on the following day if she did not finish them. She does give them a little time each day to "catch up" with things that they may still need to work on but Emily (on her own) decided that she would bring them home, thinking that the little amount of time that her teacher provides at school may not be enough.

Her teacher made it very clear that she believes that Emily has "what it takes" to finish her work , get organized etc. I agree completely.

Emily is so smart. She has the "brains" of a child much older than she is, which from a mother's perspective has it's good and bad points. Seriously, some of the observations she makes, the things she says...she just amazes me.

It also gives her a sort of "advantage". In a nutshell, you can't put anything by her. She notices everything, doesn't forget anything, and will hold you to whatever you say.

Some of these issues that came up during her parent-teacher conference have come up every year...mainly the "social" aspects(not raising her hand, irrelevant discussions etc.). Math has always been just a slight concern, reading has laways been a high point.

Everything else though, is new this year, at least as far as I remember.

Naturally, I wonder if it's the medicine or just the seizure disorder itself that could be causing some of these new issues.

Earlier this week, I sent a note in to her teacher asking her to compare notes with Emily's first grade teacher to see if she had the same impressions of Emily. If they agree, maybe Emily needs a little "extra help" to stay on track(motivational type things I am thinking, maybe a few gentle reminders). If they don't agree, and these concerns are in fact "new", I will follow up with her neurologist in a couple of weeks at her next appointment.

Overall, I am under the impression that the teacher thinks she can do this if she concentrates just a little harder, and pays just a little more attention to detail. I agree, she is more than capable.

I am anxious to hear back from her regarding the note. I sent it in on Wednesday so hopefully I should hear soon. It might take a day or two for the teachers to coordinate a meeting etc.

I hope that everything works out, whatever the results. There is something "different" about Emily since this whole seizure thing came to light. It isn't anything that I can put my finger on though. She's Just different.

Jeans

                                                                        Katherine is definitely her mother's daughter.

Me: "This is Julia's new outfit. Doesn't she look cute?"

Katherine: "Ohhhhh, this is her first time ever wearing jeans."

CURSE? WHAT CURSE?

The RED SOX are going to the WORLD SERIES(for those who haven't heard...LOL).

Not only are they going to the series, but they beat the hated Yankees to boot.

There is something about that that makes this victory just a little sweeter.

The RED SOX are going to the WORLD SERIES, the YANKEES AREN'T. Need I say more?

Krptonite

                                                             A few funny things I have been meaning to mention:

When Emily woke up complaining about her ear, I was looking at the packaging on the Motrin for the appropriate dosage to give to her.

I said out loud, "Six to eight years..."

She said, It's going to take six to eight years for this to kick in?"

I looked her thinking that she must be joking. She was dead serious.

How funny is that?

The next night, I was watching Access Hollywood and Emily came in the room. At the time, they were showing a clip from Superman where he is emersed in a Kryptonite filled pool(which for those who don't know is green).

Emily said very matter-of-factly, "He's swimming in a green pool...maybe that's why he got sick and died."

Funny thing is...she did not know that for the character of Superman, swimming in Kryptonite is a death sentence.

Not to make light of Christopher Reeve dying in any way, but man, I was laughing my butt off.

This afternoon, She walked in with a very concerned look on her face and said, "Mommy can I go check on Julia(who is happily sleeping the afternoon away in her swing) every five minutes because it says, never leave your child unattended on the sticker?"

Even at her worst, she is at her best.

Signs

New signs posted at Middleboro Pediatrics:

PARKING FOR ELLIS FAMILY ONLY. VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED AT OWNER'S EXPENSE.

And

THESE SEATS RESERVED FOR MEMBERS OF THE ELLIS FAMILY ONLY. IF YOUR LAST NAME ISN'T ELLIS, THAN GET THE HELL OUT.

And

TO THANK THE ELLIS FAMILY FOR THEIR CONTINUOUS SUPPORT, WE WILL OFFICIALLY BE CHANGING OUR NAME FROM MIDDLEBORO PEDIATRICS TO ELLIS FAMILY (ONLY) PEDIATRICS.

Seriously, it is getting that bad. I didn't make just one trip there today nope, I made two.

Emily woke up at about 3am complaining of an earache. She was actually crying in pain so I gave her some Motrin. As soon as it kicked in, she was right back to sleep. She woke up at about 7, said her ear hurt a little but that she wanted to go to school. She had no fever so I was planning on sending her with a note, saying to call me if anything came up.

While she was eating breakfast, the pain kicked back in a big way so I decided to keep her home and take her over to the office while Katherine was at school.

We went, she did in fact have an ear infection and the nurse practitioner gave her a prescription for Amoxycillan.

We were on the way to CVS to get it filled and my phone rang. It was Katherine's school telling me that she was complaining that her ear hurt.

I was pretty much in shock at this point.

Seriously, I think my children may in fact be responsible for at least half of the income at the pediatrician's office.

There way no way in hell I was going back there unless I knew for sure that Katherine was serious about the pain. The thought had crossed my mind that she could just be saying that her ear hurt because she knew her sister's did. I decided to call my mother to see if the school nurse could look at Katherine's ear and confirm or deny an ear infection.

It was infected, and very much so.

So, we went all the way back.

On the way there, Katherine was crying/whining that her ear hurt and when we got there Emily's earlier dose of Motrin wore off.

I had two children crying in the waiting room, both wanting to sit on my lap (one on each leg was just not good enough for them) and a baby who was scheduled to wake very soon to eat.

It was a good time, really.

I felt so bad for both of them and was trying my best to keep them content while we waited.

Toward the end of our wait, Katherine started to get sleepy and fell asleep leaning on my leg. I though nothing of it, knowing that she was sick and everyone feels tired when they are sick, right?

Wrong.

When we finally got called in, I was laying Katherine down on the table/bed thing and caught a whiff of her breath. It had that fruity, sweet, medicinal smell to it. She was having a hypoglycemic attack. I immediately asked the nurse if they had any juice or something she could have to get her sugar back up. The best they could do was Sprite but that was all it took anyway. She had that and slowly came back around.

Anyway, they checked her ear, called in a prescription for her and off we went.

This afternoon, Katherine seems to be feeling much better but Emily has a fever of 101.2 and has this funky drainage thing going on with her ear that, according to the doctor is normal unless it doesn't stop or turns bloody.

Great.

In thinking about all of this today a couple of things have occurred to me. Before July, when Emily had that serious ear infection that, because she had never complained about it may not have been diagnosed had she not had the seizure, she had never had one.

Until Monday, she had not had a single seizure since.

Now she has had a seizure and has been diagnosed with a serious ear infection within two days of each other.

I am beginning to wonder if there may be some kind of a connection.

I asked the nurse today and she had never heard of any connection but did say that it was worth mentioning to her neurologist the next time we visit. So, I will.

As for Katherine, the fact that she had an ear infection came as no shock. She always seems to get a few around this time of year. I think that they may eventually talk about putting tubes in but we shall see.

This really is getting crazy.

Every time I go, I think to myself, ok no more visits until the next regular checkup.

Maybe a little reverse psychology might work. If I have to go again I might just try saying, See you tomorrow to the secretaries as I leave.

Neurologist Report

I spoke with the neurologist today about Emily's seizure yesterday. He explained to me that because she has stopped taking Depakote and is not at the full dosage for her weight on the Lamictal, that she is at an increased risk for having seizures. She is on 75 mg now and needs to be at 100mg for her to be considered to have "full coverage."

Unfortunately, the dosage can only be increased at two week intervals so she won't be at 100mg for another 2 weeks(she just started the 75mg dose on Sunday). At that point, if she still has seizures, we will know that Lamictal is not working for her and change her medicine again if needed.

I am not really quite sure when the shock of this whole thing is going to wear off...or if it ever will. Will this ever be just "a problem we deal with" not accompanied by the pounding headache and tears that seem to fill my eyes every time a new situation with her arises?

Emily

Emily had a seizure this morning. :(

She hasn't had once since June 30(the third of the three she had originally).

She was doing so well...it kind of takes the wind out of your sails if you know what I mean.

I didn't actually witness this one though...which in a way was good...just in the sense that I didn't have to "see that again."

I heard her on the monitor...for a second it sounded like she was singing...humming sort of. I thought to myself, in my half awake state "Could she be having a seizure?" I started to get out of bed to go check(after removing Julia for my arm which took a minute because she was so snuggled in) and Katherine came down. I asked her what Emily was doing and she said, "She's making noise while she is sleeping, and she's shaking." I went up to check...she had stopped by then but just by looking at her I could tell she had just gotten over one. Her pupils were dialated and her lips had that same weird "puffy" look to them...with a scary bluish tinge to her skin and lips to boot. She came around almost immediately upon my calling her name. I aksed her if she remembered anything and she said no.

I haven't posted much here about her medicine schedule but it just changed yesterday from a smaller dose to a larger dose. Since the medicine is supposed to stop seizures and not cause them, I highly doubt that the change is at all related but it still seems like it could be significant.

I called her neuro today and left a message to see what he thinks should be done if anything. I probably won't here from hime until tomorrow though because of the holiday.

Just when I think she is doing better...

Manilow

One night live, one last time.

Fleet Center Boston.

Friday, October 1, 2004

One word. Three syllables.

MAN-I-LOW

Need I say more?

Stuff

So, Katherine did have an ear infection. I knew she would. She is taking that yummy pink medicine I remember as a kid(amoxycillin) and is doing just fine.

Julia is sick. She was up all night long and has a fever of 100.5. She has been out of sorts for the past week or so(snce she was vaccinated) so I am going to call the doctor when they open today and see what they think. I am not terribly concerned but because of her weight gain issues, and a few other things that have come to light(nothing major) I definitely think a phone call is warranted.

I spent the better part of yesterday organizing my desk and assembling a shelving unit that I am using to store all of my arts and crafts. It came together well...even if it did take me all morning to do. Heh.

I have decided that this year's Halloween party will have an 80's theme...80's clothing, 80's music, 80's everything. It should be fun.
My parents are going to take all three children for the night. That will be Julia's 1st official sleepover! How cute!

Multi tasking

Today I somehow managed to feed the baby a bottle, take Katherine's temperature, and tie Emily's shoe...all at the same time.

Talk about doing three things at once. Sheesh.

Katherine woke up today complaining that her right ear hurt. No big surprise here. I just said to Ryun the other day, "Pretty soon Katherine will start getting ear infections again."

No I didn't jinx it, she gets at least 3 or 4 infections every year around this time. I have an appointment to bring her to the doctor at 1:30 this afternoon. Normally, I don't take my children to the doctor the very first time they complain about something(unless it seems to be really serious) but every time Katherine has complained about an earache, it has always turned out to be an infection. So, I am not waiting.

Emily Update

Emily had an appointment at Children's on Wednesday. The appointment went well, and the doctor seems to think she is doing well so that is good.

I am soooooo happy to report that she will no longer be taking Depakote due to the mood swing/personality issues it was causing. Her Lamictal will be gradually increased over the next month or so and we will be going back up for another appointment in the middle of November.

The doctor's over at the brain malformations clinic that she will be taking part in are reviewing her MRI and will be calling soon to schedule an appointment to meet with her.

It is still beyond my comprehension how someone so "normal", someone who is for all intents and purposes wise beyond her years, someone who has no problems other than seizures has a "brain malformation". It all seems so surreal sometimes, like a dream(or more accurately, a nightmare).

I think Emily gets nervous about going sometimes. She gets so hyper and just can't sit still in the car and at the hospital. I think that it is her way of expressing her nervousness which is fine.

I forget sometimes that she is only 7. Hospital trips, medicine daily, and everything that goes along with this medical concern...it overwhelms me at times so I can only imagine the effect it might have on her. If mild hyperactivity is her way of "letting it out" than I can handle that!

Coffee Time

I think I may be turning into a regular coffee drinker. By regular, I mean everyday, not the way it's made. I like it extra light and extra sweet which is of course the most fattening way to drink it.

I never used to drink coffee on a regular basis until...well until Julia came along. She is not a lot of work in and of herself, I guess it's the combination of having three children that neccesitates the need for coffee.

It's not really a big deal I guess. Actually, I am kind of suprised that I didn't start earlier. I haven't gotten to the "OMG if I don't have my morning coffee I might die" point. However, since caffeine is a drug, if I keep drinking it as frequently as I have, the addiction will form and the "OMG" stage will become a reality.

Ah well...there certainly are worse habits I could form.

Republican

I might be turning into a Republican. God Help Me.

Stranger and worse things have happened for sure but this, this is just weird.

I am registered as an independent voter. Honestly though, I have always voted democrat. Sad to say, sometimes I voted for the candidate just because he or she was a democrat, without giving any real thought to what they stood for or what changes they planned to make.

Maybe because I am older and wiser, maybe because I have a close friend currently stationed in Iraq, or maybe just because I have children whose future will be shaped by the upcoming elections and those that follow, this election has taken on more meaning and significance than any other.

Everyone has a few issues that feel are most important. For me they are education and Iraq.

To me, any cuts in educational spending are not only wrong, but should be considered a criminal act. Quite simply, the children are the future...their education and their future is what will shape ours. Cutting any educational programming, no matter how little or insignificant it may seem is wrong. It is wrong for so many reasons to list them here would take days.

As I mentioned above, a close friend of ours is stationed in Iraq. He is a husband and a father to two young children. Do I wish he was home? Does he wish he was home? Of course.

Although I agree with some that the need for war in Iraq may have been a little too exaggerated, I disagree with those who think we shouldn't have gone over at all. Iraq is(or maybe was) a known terrorist country who for all intents and purposes hated us. Just because no WMD's were found does not mean that they aren't there, nor does it make Saddam and his "cronies" any less dangerous to this country. John Kerry 's "if we get attacked we will retaliate" vision is just pathetic.

I for one never want to relive the horror that was 9/11. I really don't think that something of that caliber could happen again, really I don't. You know what though? I didn't think it could happen before 9/11 either...and as we all well know, it did. I say, and pardon the bluntness, let's kick their ass before they kick ours.

HELP!

I just told Emily and Katherine that unless they were dead or bleeding, I didn't want to hear about every time one of them hit, pinched, kicked etc. the other. I can already tell it is going to be one of those days.

They are supposed to be cleaning the playroom, which currently looks like a bomb hit it. They have been cleaning it since yesterday(or supposed to have been cleaning it anyway). I have taken away the computer(except if needed for school) the tv, and even Katherine's "night night"(her security blanket). I only feel slightly bad about all of that, but seriously, they need to clean.

I have even tried giving them specific tasks...ok pick up all of the crayons first...then clean up all of the dress up clothes etc. NOTHING IS WORKING.

What is it that kids can't comprehend? Take one toy out, put it away when you are done, take out another. IS it that difficult? If they had just done that, they wouldn't be stuck with the huge mess they have now.

Sometimes I don't even know why I bother. How important is it that they keep the playroom or their bedroom clean? I can't help it that clutter bothers me. Seriously, it makes me physically ill sometimes. I have clothing of theirs sitting in laundry baskets right now because the thought of going up to their room to put it away scares me.

Am I being to hard on them to expect that they keep it neat? If not, how can I get them to actually do that(keep it neat)?

Random

Here are a few random things I wanted to share, in list form because I am lazy.

1. As of about 3:00 this afternoon, Ryun and I will no longer be able to pro-create. There is a certain bit of sadness attached to that but, he's done having children, so I guess I have to be too.

2. Last week, I had something removed from my back that could be a form of skin cancer. A completely treatable form( just taking it off cures it) but scary nonetheless. I will find out the results today.

3. My birthday is in 2 weeks and I am freaking out a little about turning 29. God help me when I turn 30.

So yeah, that 's it.

The Passion

I recently purchased Mel Gibson's Passion. I purchase without ever having seen it, which is not something I usually do. In this case (and I was right) I just knew I was going to like it.

I have often questioned whether or not all of that is true.

It was heart wrenching to watch. I cried rivers of tears...tears of shame forever doubting that it really happened, tears of sadness, and tears of gratefulness for his sacrifice.

There is something about the movie that touched me in such a way that I cant even begin to put it in to words. I am so glad I have finally seen it. No one really knows if it is the only thing we have is stories passed on through generations upon generations of people who eventually recorded the Bible. One has to wonder how many times various stories may have changed or been exaggerated in some way.

That being said, if it is true, I was moved beyond words. Just thinking that someone would go through such horrific torture and humiliation, let alone die for me (us) is so unbelievable.

Tower of Terror

My father, being an elevator constructor always says that the reason he won't go on the Tower Of Terror ride in Disney is because "elevators aren't supposed to do that."

He's right.

Unfortunately, sometimes(even twice in one week) they do.

Yesterday, the elevator platform(picture and elevator with no walls or ceiling) shot from the top floor to the bottom with Ryun on top of it.

An incorrect part was shipped and installed. Apparently it looked exactly like the correct part, so when Ryun's helper installed it, he had no idea that it would not handle the weight and pressure of the elevator.

The oil line snapped and the elevator free fell 20 feet.

Ryun sustained a sprained wrist and knee...and is lucky to be alive.

He could have lost his balance and fell off of the platform into the pit below.

He could have whacked his head on the wall of the shaft on the way down.

He could have been underneath the elevator as was the case with the two workers recently injured when the oil line snapped in the nursing home elevator they were working on.

I forget how dangerous Ryun's job can be.

And dammit, I don't like to be reminded.

First Day of 2nd Grade

Emily started her first day of second grade today. Not only do I feel old, she seems old, or I guess I should say older. Sometimes, I just can't believe that she is seven.

For any readers without kids, if you think time goes by entirely too fast right now, trust me, you have no idea.

In the blink of an eye...

My gold membership is about to expire here, so I think I am going to close this site. Don't fret, I will be opening a new one before this ones goes bye-bye. It will be a family type site though, that I am hoping will also allow for a blog type diary. I am investigating my options right now and gearing up for some fun with html. Ughh...

I have already designed the site for my new business. It's pretty basic right now though, and I will be fooling around with that before I officially launch it. Virtually the only things left for me to do are register my company name with the town hall, apply for a sales tax id, and create my "sample" album. The most difficult of those three tasks will no doubt be the album. Well, maybe difficualt isn't the right word...perhaps time consuming. Because this is the album I will show customers who request to see some of my work, I want to make sure it is perfect. Perfection takes time! ;)

In the meantime, I will be changing the layout of this site as I always do around this time of year. Stay tuned...

Annoying

                                                                                    Computers make me angry.

Here's why.

Last night, I went food shopping. After getting nearly $200 worth of groceries, I went to check out. At the end of the order, the computer froze completely, before printing out my receipt. The checkout girl( Amanda I believe her name was) said that her register had been slow all day and that it had been taking a while for the receipts to "catch up." It never did. I had been waiting for probably 10 minutes or so before they finally decided to reboot and see if it would print then. It didn't. The manager in charge took my name and I voluntarily gave her my phone number. I have never had a problem with an order before, but Murphy's Law says that this would have been the one time I did and of course would not have had a receipt.

I was about 3/4 of the way home and my cell phone rang. It was her. Apparently, my order had not gone through at all and they had absolutely no record of it. The only way for them to right this and for me to not get over $200 in free groceries was for me to come all the way back, unload my car and bring the groceries back in to be re-rung. I was not happy. I live 20 minutes from the store and was about 5 minutes from home. Apparently there was no other way though, so I went.

When I got there, they had someone meet me outside to unload my car, gave me a $10.00 gift certificate and a bouquet of flowers. I was impressed with the good customer service and even said jokingly, "I hope this happens again."

Early this morning, I went online to check the bank balance and you'll never guess what I saw...two withdrawals from Stop and Shop. The damn order had gone through twice.

I called the store and of course, just because this is my life, they only have it on there register records as going through once.

I brought the front end manager a copy of my bank statement showing the withdrawals. He filled out a form and has to send it to the regional office to be researched. It could take up to 3 weeks for me to get the money back.

Needless to say, I am beyond angry.

I will be going to my bank to dispute the charge and hopefully, have it credited immediately.

And, for the record I am boycotting Stop and Shop.