"There's a change of clothes in the bottom of your bag in case you get wet."
"Be careful and listen to all the rules...especially the ones the instructors tell you about during your lesson."
"Make sure you keep your money in it's designated spot...your cell phone too."
"Always make sure you are with someone...you know like the buddy system. Never ski alone."
"Remember you only have a specific amount of money and a couple of packed snacks. So if you eat all of your snacks on the way there and you get hungry on the way home, you won't have anything left to eat. Also, make sure you spend your money wisely!"
These comments (and probably a few more I am not remembering), were all made by me to Emily on the way to the school this morning. I had to drop her off bright and early (5:45) so she could catch the bus with student council and go on her first ever ski trip.
This was one of those, "Oh my God I am a Mom" moments and a "Oh my God I sound like my Mom" moments all rolled in to one.
In replaying this in my head, I wonder just how annoying I must have sounded to Emily. Probably very I am guessing.
When we pulled in to the parking lot she wanted to get out and walk to the bus by herself. I said, "C'mon let me just walk you to the bus." With a quick roll of the eyes she agreed and I did...so what if the bus was parked right in front of the school and I was parked in the front row. She boarded and was on her way.
She's home now and of course, she's fine. She didn't lose a single thing and only has one bruise from a fall in which her ski somehow ended up coming in to contact with her hip. She came home with no money (which was ok) and according to her account, she managed to spread it out and make it last.
I am wondering if she would have come home the same way if I didn't say any of what I said.
I don't often second guess myself when it comes to these types of things and I am not really doing that now either. Even if saying what I said only benefited me and had no bearing on her day at all, saying it made me feel better. I am sure, sometime way down the line (perhaps when she is having a moment like this with her own child) she will look back and realize my motivation was purely out of love and concern for her.
Still, I can totally relate to how difficult it can be being the oldest child and I told her that this morning. I explained how she was more than likely going to be the first to do many things and because she was the first, she would probably have to endure more of the parental worry and concern than her sisters. Of course the concern will be there for each child as the venture off in to independence but as most parents know, once one child does something and does it successfully, the nerves and concern lessen and each successive child will have to endure it less. She seemed to understand this.
It's during times like these that I am amazed by how life comes full circle. I could swear it was just the other day when I was having conversations like this with my own mother.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Dream Interpretation
As mentioned on Facebook, I had a dream last night that involved an earthquake (2 actually), Styrofoam, crayons and magnets. It went like this...
I was living with my family in some sort of small town...the kind were everyone knows each other. We were all intensely close and it sort of had the feeling of some hippie commune type thing. Anyway, one day there was an earthquake. The earthquake was caused by some sort of magnetic field/magnet and Styrofoam. While it was known that these two things were the cause of the earthquake, their exact involvement was unclear. After the earthquake there were many odd, unexplained things that had happened as a result but no one could figure out how to fix/explain things. Life went on and a few years later there was another earthquake, again caused by magnets and Styrofoam. This time my kids figured out that if they colored the Styrofoam with crayons, it would lessen the intensity of the earthquake as well as lessen the weird, unexplained after effects of the quake. The dream ended in a bedroom that was clearly meant to be my kids, with them coloring in their backboards on the bed (which were made of Styrofoam).
Ok , so my first thought upon waking was that I was channeling LOST with weird magnetic field things going on. I knew for sure that Styrofoam and magnets would be in the dream dictionary because people just don't dream about those two things without them clearly meaning something, in a symbolic kind of way. Here is what I found:
To dream of an earthquake means that you are experiencing a major shake up that is threatening your stability or foundation.
To see crayons in your dreams may mean you need to think outside the lines and do things in a more unconventional way.
To dream of magnets means that negative forces are drawing you toward a path of ruin.
To see Stryofoam in your dream means that you are undergoing some form of transition in your life.
I of course have my own interpretations of what this all means. Some of it though, I am still trying to figure out. I will be sure to update here when I do!
I was living with my family in some sort of small town...the kind were everyone knows each other. We were all intensely close and it sort of had the feeling of some hippie commune type thing. Anyway, one day there was an earthquake. The earthquake was caused by some sort of magnetic field/magnet and Styrofoam. While it was known that these two things were the cause of the earthquake, their exact involvement was unclear. After the earthquake there were many odd, unexplained things that had happened as a result but no one could figure out how to fix/explain things. Life went on and a few years later there was another earthquake, again caused by magnets and Styrofoam. This time my kids figured out that if they colored the Styrofoam with crayons, it would lessen the intensity of the earthquake as well as lessen the weird, unexplained after effects of the quake. The dream ended in a bedroom that was clearly meant to be my kids, with them coloring in their backboards on the bed (which were made of Styrofoam).
Ok , so my first thought upon waking was that I was channeling LOST with weird magnetic field things going on. I knew for sure that Styrofoam and magnets would be in the dream dictionary because people just don't dream about those two things without them clearly meaning something, in a symbolic kind of way. Here is what I found:
To dream of an earthquake means that you are experiencing a major shake up that is threatening your stability or foundation.
To see crayons in your dreams may mean you need to think outside the lines and do things in a more unconventional way.
To dream of magnets means that negative forces are drawing you toward a path of ruin.
To see Stryofoam in your dream means that you are undergoing some form of transition in your life.
I of course have my own interpretations of what this all means. Some of it though, I am still trying to figure out. I will be sure to update here when I do!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Life After Death Etc.
Julia has had many questions about where we go after we die, and about how we got here to begin with. I am sure this is related to the recent passing of Nana. I find Julia's take on this very interesting and wonder how she has come to some of the conclusions that she has.
Our conversation started this morning with her deciding that before we are born we are skeletons and when God decides it is time for us to come to earth, he gives us skin and all of our body parts. She asked how we "got" her and I explained to her that she was a special gift from God that he gave to us (way too early for her to be having the birds and the bees talk!). She said, "Yeah, and since you told me that you and Daddy aren't going to have any more kids that means that I made our family complete." I told her that she was right (and she really was right...I always knew after Katherine that we were "supposed" to have one more child and after Julia arrived, I knew the family was complete). She asked who was the first member of our family. I told her it started with Daddy and I and then came Emily, Katherine and her. I told her the next members of our family would be the kids that she and her sisters may have when they were adults. She exclaimed, "I call getting to feed and hold the baby!" Funny kid, considering the baby she was talking about could very well be her own! After some quiet time thinking about all of this she asked, "Mom, after we all die and then come back to this planet, will I need to go to preschool again?" Apparently, she believes in reincarnation! She also very logical, thinking that when we come back we must start over again from the beginning.
Anyway, it was interesting, hearing her views about all of this.
Our conversation started this morning with her deciding that before we are born we are skeletons and when God decides it is time for us to come to earth, he gives us skin and all of our body parts. She asked how we "got" her and I explained to her that she was a special gift from God that he gave to us (way too early for her to be having the birds and the bees talk!). She said, "Yeah, and since you told me that you and Daddy aren't going to have any more kids that means that I made our family complete." I told her that she was right (and she really was right...I always knew after Katherine that we were "supposed" to have one more child and after Julia arrived, I knew the family was complete). She asked who was the first member of our family. I told her it started with Daddy and I and then came Emily, Katherine and her. I told her the next members of our family would be the kids that she and her sisters may have when they were adults. She exclaimed, "I call getting to feed and hold the baby!" Funny kid, considering the baby she was talking about could very well be her own! After some quiet time thinking about all of this she asked, "Mom, after we all die and then come back to this planet, will I need to go to preschool again?" Apparently, she believes in reincarnation! She also very logical, thinking that when we come back we must start over again from the beginning.
Anyway, it was interesting, hearing her views about all of this.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Ongoing Project
I recently decided that I wanted a hard copy of every blog entry I have ever written. I have had two incarnations of this blog on other sites, plus various other topical blogs which I have had over the years. My introduction to blogging was in 2002, back when Katherine was just three years old and Emily was five. Most entries have been personal in nature. I have really gotten so much out of using this medium to share with the world my thoughts. There has always been this fear however, that all of this time and effort (and the story of my life for the past 8 years) would be lost, should there be some major crash of the world wide web. I know it's a silly kind of fear but one never knows. I have copied and pasted every entry from my first blog, and am halfway through the second. I haven't yet touched this blog, or any of the other topical type blogs mentioned. The document is 238 pages long. I have written a book length story of my life so far, and have more to go.
Something about this amazes me. I am looking forward to one day passing this story (in hard copy form) on through the generations of my family. What a treasure it will truly be.
Something about this amazes me. I am looking forward to one day passing this story (in hard copy form) on through the generations of my family. What a treasure it will truly be.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Nomination
I recently nominated my mother for free spa services for a contest a local spa is having. If anyone deserves to be pampered, it's my mom. Below is the paragraph I sent:
My mother is not only a fantastic mother, but in my Nana’s last days she proved what a wonderful daughter she is as well. When Nana was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in October, my mother, without hesitation, invited Nana to live with her and my father while undergoing treatment. She took my Nana to countless appointments, made many phone calls, and arranged for her every need while she was living with her. She went above and beyond the call of duty as well; giving Nana massages, pedicures, and facials. When Nana had to go to the hospital, and eventually a rehabilitation center, my mother visited her daily. She made sure Nana had everything she needed physically (bringing her things from home) and emotionally (providing support and a presence, even at the end when Nana’s communication was limited). When it became clear that Nana was not going to make it, my mother went to the rehabilitation center and stayed with her for almost a week; barely leaving her bedside until her last breath. I am in awe of my mother and her loving dedication she has shown to my family, my sisters, my father and in her last days, my Nana.
My mother is not only a fantastic mother, but in my Nana’s last days she proved what a wonderful daughter she is as well. When Nana was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in October, my mother, without hesitation, invited Nana to live with her and my father while undergoing treatment. She took my Nana to countless appointments, made many phone calls, and arranged for her every need while she was living with her. She went above and beyond the call of duty as well; giving Nana massages, pedicures, and facials. When Nana had to go to the hospital, and eventually a rehabilitation center, my mother visited her daily. She made sure Nana had everything she needed physically (bringing her things from home) and emotionally (providing support and a presence, even at the end when Nana’s communication was limited). When it became clear that Nana was not going to make it, my mother went to the rehabilitation center and stayed with her for almost a week; barely leaving her bedside until her last breath. I am in awe of my mother and her loving dedication she has shown to my family, my sisters, my father and in her last days, my Nana.
Time, Music, The Great Outdoors and My Camera
It is amazing what a difference those four things can make when it comes to my frame of mind. I especially find the combination of my camera and getting outside with it work wonders.
I took these pictures this morning after the kids got on the bus. As much of a pain in the backside snow can be (literally and figuratively), it helps for me to remind myself just how pretty it can be. Case in point:
I took these pictures this morning after the kids got on the bus. As much of a pain in the backside snow can be (literally and figuratively), it helps for me to remind myself just how pretty it can be. Case in point:
Monday, February 8, 2010
I am really looking forward to the day...
...when I don't cry at the drop of a hat. Seriously, between Nana's passing and Ryun's work situation going from bad to worse, it has taken nothing (and more so than usual) for the tears to flow.
Like for example today...when I got Julia's progress notes for her IEP. Not something to cry over really (especially considering the progress she has made has been amazing) but I did. Why? Because a couple of small things are still works in progress like her ability to answer "wh" questions, her need for encouragement and examples beyond what would be considered the norm, and some continuing struggles socially. Still? I don't generally cry over these things.
I am so overwhelmed with what I have to do (in part because I did nothing last week except for what was necessary to remain, well, alive). I spent almost every waking minute in the rehab/nursing home with my Nana, mother, sisters and aunt experiencing what was probably the saddest, but most emotionally bonding time of my entire life. I wouldn't trade a singles minute of the time I spent there, but you know what they say about payback. I have so much to do, I don't even know where to start. I cry just thinking about the list. No, literally, cry.
My stomach has this huge, empty, yet full of tension and nerves spot that just doesn't seem to have subsided much, if at all.
Clearly, the first thing on the to do list needs to be some action steps that I can take to settle myself down and just let myself be. I am going to start tonight by heading to bed with the ipod and my classical music playlist. Hopefully, sleep will come quickly and with ease.
Like for example today...when I got Julia's progress notes for her IEP. Not something to cry over really (especially considering the progress she has made has been amazing) but I did. Why? Because a couple of small things are still works in progress like her ability to answer "wh" questions, her need for encouragement and examples beyond what would be considered the norm, and some continuing struggles socially. Still? I don't generally cry over these things.
I am so overwhelmed with what I have to do (in part because I did nothing last week except for what was necessary to remain, well, alive). I spent almost every waking minute in the rehab/nursing home with my Nana, mother, sisters and aunt experiencing what was probably the saddest, but most emotionally bonding time of my entire life. I wouldn't trade a singles minute of the time I spent there, but you know what they say about payback. I have so much to do, I don't even know where to start. I cry just thinking about the list. No, literally, cry.
My stomach has this huge, empty, yet full of tension and nerves spot that just doesn't seem to have subsided much, if at all.
Clearly, the first thing on the to do list needs to be some action steps that I can take to settle myself down and just let myself be. I am going to start tonight by heading to bed with the ipod and my classical music playlist. Hopefully, sleep will come quickly and with ease.
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