Over the years I have had many strange dreams. After countless times waking up and wondering what the heck these dreams were all about I finally decided to start paying more attention to them. I looked for symbols, signs, and focused in on the key aspects of the dream; the things that seemed most significant. It was not long before I began to realize that my dreams, though seemingly strange and out of place, were very much based in reality. My dreams are the method by which my inner self, the universe and God communicate with me about my waking life, and whatever may be going on in it at any given moment.
Last night's dream, to the non-observant person, may have just seemed like a random, nonsensical collaboration of inconsequential things. To me, a now keen observer, this dream was anything but. In the dream, I was walking up a flight of stairs that was literally covered in imperfectly round, pellet like animal feces. I was going up step by step, scooping the feces in to a bag. After a few steps, I started complaining to Ryun that this was so gross and smelly and how did this get here anyway. He begrudgingly made his way over to help but I held him off and told him I had to finish. I kept going. I was almost to the top of the staircase when the dream ended.
I have become very skilled at assessing these dreams without the aid of a dream dictionary. My immediate interpretation: The stairs represent me ascending to a higher level of self awareness. The feces represented the fact that I was going to have to go through and get rid of a lot of "crap' to get there. The imperfect circle shape of the feces represented the obstacles that were in my way and that I had to work more on my inner self to achieve wholeness and completeness (which would have been represented by a full circle). The fact that I was complaining but refused help showed me that it is up to me to make this journey; that I needed to be a little less dependent on others to get me there and I need to trust myself and be confident in my own abilities.
After making my own assessment, I looked up the meaning of the main symbols in the dream. I was spot on. As they always are, this dream was very timely, The timeliness of these dreams is another reason that I have come to believe in their meanings and how they directly relate to my life. I have never had a dream that didn't somehow connect to my "real" life in one way or another. I find it creepy and fascinating at the same time.
Thursday, September 29, 2016
Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign
About a week ago before climbing into bed, I went to flip my pillow and noticed this on it:
I had no idea what is was or how it got there but the first thing I noticed was that it was in the shape of an "s." I went to throw it out but stopped myself. A random "s" doesn't just appear on your pillow without having some meaning (especially when your first name and maiden name both begin with that letter). I picked it up and noticed a very coarse, hay-like texture to it and was even more perplexed about what it could be. I went to bed and decided to "research" and reflect on what this could mean the next morning. Here is what I found.
The letter S: strong feelings, magnetic, attracts money, energetic, beginnings
The Color Gold: success, achievement, triumph
Hay/straw: success, profitable business
Hmmm...
I had no idea what is was or how it got there but the first thing I noticed was that it was in the shape of an "s." I went to throw it out but stopped myself. A random "s" doesn't just appear on your pillow without having some meaning (especially when your first name and maiden name both begin with that letter). I picked it up and noticed a very coarse, hay-like texture to it and was even more perplexed about what it could be. I went to bed and decided to "research" and reflect on what this could mean the next morning. Here is what I found.
The letter S: strong feelings, magnetic, attracts money, energetic, beginnings
The Color Gold: success, achievement, triumph
Hay/straw: success, profitable business
Hmmm...
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Mid-Life
One thing I have discovered since turning forty in October is that I think more. What I mean to say is that I think deeper about...things. Basically, I am no longer satisfied with leaving the big questions unanswered.
Some of these big questions...what do I want to be when I grow up? What mental blocks are preventing me from being smarter about my health and making better choices? How can I overcome them? Why do I spend so much time thinking and not enough time acting? What is this under the surface, always present, yet undefined "thing" that I know I am destined to do, even though I don't know what "it" is yet? Why is mental and physical self care such a difficult thing for me? Why does the thought of my life (if all goes well) being halfway over (give or take) scare the hell out of me (not death but that the past 40 years have flown and the next 40(ish) will too and will that even be enough time to figure my purpose on this planet out)?
For the past ten or so these questions have been there. For the past few, I have been thinking about them more often than not. Thinking is good, Acting is better. No matter what I do, I can't seem to stick with it for more than a few days when it comes to addressing any one of these questions.
I have come to the conclusion that I am going to need help on the way to my "a ha" moment or moments. I just can't do this by myself. I am not sure exactly what this all means...except that I am going back to counseling to to start. I have been in and out of counseling many times. The longest period of time I have gone is for two years which was helpful in resolving a lot of "outside" issues not directly related to any of the questions above. I talked about issues with the kids, major life events and occasional medical issues but have never really gotten deep in to "me."
I feel like I have an incredible ability to go deep, really look at various situations and how they can work out or not. I can easily talk myself in to or out of anything after weighing the options. I have developed a keen ability to calm myself down when anxiety creeps in by employing things I know will work; getting outside, deep breathing, listening to meditative music etc. The place where I falter is taking my thoughts from dream to reality, or at least bringing them to reality and sticking with it. I can do anything for short bursts of time but to really pursue and persevere, I need to make lifelong lasing changes/decisions that work for the long term. I have come to realize that doing so is going to require a lot of outside of myself help and influence. Counseling seems like the next logical step.
Why am I putting this out there in to the world? Because something I have discovered over the past few years is my belief in being open and honest with the "universe", For me, it is like giving it to the world...the universe...God...will help bring some resolutions, ideas, practices to light. It is also in line with my theme for the year of stepping out of my comfort zone. It's never easy to admit I can't handle it all even to myself...let alone the world...or at least anyone who reads my blog.
Cross posted at http://zoningout16.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Glenda
The other night I had a dream that we had to bring Katie to the ER because of a cut on her hand that was infected and not healing. For some reason, Ryun and Julia came along. While we were there, we ran in to the nurse who in "real life" was the nurse we had for all three kids when when they were born. Ryun and I referred to her as "robo nurse" because though she was very kind and warm, she was also very to the point, and acted somewhat like a robot doing every thing she needed to do. I loved her and she was the perfect nurse to get me to "attend to the task at hand." Her name was Glenda.
In the dream she had switched from working with mothers and babies to the ER. Before she walked in to the room, the air was very tense and I was wondering if they were going to be able to fix Katie's hand. In the dream, I kept looking at the hand off and on consistently, with a constant stream of negative thoughts about what was about to happen and would could happen if the doctors could not help her, I remember waking up after the dream wondering why I was so worked up about about her hand, It was a tiny scratch with a slightly red tinge around it which in reality would never be something I would bring Katie to the ER for. When Glenda walked in, before she even spoke, this immediate sense of peace, and "everything will be ok" calm came over me. As she took a look at her hand, and in her matter of fact way assured us she would be fine, the negative thoughts stopped and I felt like everything would be good and Katie would be alright. We then officially introduced Katie and Julia to her as two kids she had helped bring in to the world and had the typical, "Wow, I can't believe how grown up they have gotten" conversation that always seems to come up when someone has not seen the kids in years (in her case since a day or two after they were born). The dream ended at that point.
The strongest thing that stood out to me in this dream was the big deal I was making about Katie's hand, which was really nothing more than a scratch. The feeling of anxiety and stress was intense. In reality, this past couple of years have not been the easiest for Katie, and by extension, me...nothing earth shattering or life changing...just every day things perhaps magnified by strong emotions from both of us. Somehow I feel like the small cut on her hand which was not worthy of such an intense reaction from myself was a symbol to put me back in check...not make a mountain out of a molehill so to speak. The fact that it was Katie's hand was even more telling...to me it symbolized that she may need a little "helping hand" right now, but that she will "heal and be ok."
As for Glenda's part in all of this (someone who I have not thought of in years) the only thing I can come up with is that the name Glenda means fair, good and holy, Maybe she was representing an angelic, heavenly type figure who was there to reassure. Maybe it was her real life connection with Katie's start in life showing us that she has "made it through" everything else along the way up to this point, and we will make it through this too.
I love when my dreams reflect my waking life and provide guidance for how to move forward.
In the dream she had switched from working with mothers and babies to the ER. Before she walked in to the room, the air was very tense and I was wondering if they were going to be able to fix Katie's hand. In the dream, I kept looking at the hand off and on consistently, with a constant stream of negative thoughts about what was about to happen and would could happen if the doctors could not help her, I remember waking up after the dream wondering why I was so worked up about about her hand, It was a tiny scratch with a slightly red tinge around it which in reality would never be something I would bring Katie to the ER for. When Glenda walked in, before she even spoke, this immediate sense of peace, and "everything will be ok" calm came over me. As she took a look at her hand, and in her matter of fact way assured us she would be fine, the negative thoughts stopped and I felt like everything would be good and Katie would be alright. We then officially introduced Katie and Julia to her as two kids she had helped bring in to the world and had the typical, "Wow, I can't believe how grown up they have gotten" conversation that always seems to come up when someone has not seen the kids in years (in her case since a day or two after they were born). The dream ended at that point.
The strongest thing that stood out to me in this dream was the big deal I was making about Katie's hand, which was really nothing more than a scratch. The feeling of anxiety and stress was intense. In reality, this past couple of years have not been the easiest for Katie, and by extension, me...nothing earth shattering or life changing...just every day things perhaps magnified by strong emotions from both of us. Somehow I feel like the small cut on her hand which was not worthy of such an intense reaction from myself was a symbol to put me back in check...not make a mountain out of a molehill so to speak. The fact that it was Katie's hand was even more telling...to me it symbolized that she may need a little "helping hand" right now, but that she will "heal and be ok."
As for Glenda's part in all of this (someone who I have not thought of in years) the only thing I can come up with is that the name Glenda means fair, good and holy, Maybe she was representing an angelic, heavenly type figure who was there to reassure. Maybe it was her real life connection with Katie's start in life showing us that she has "made it through" everything else along the way up to this point, and we will make it through this too.
I love when my dreams reflect my waking life and provide guidance for how to move forward.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
The Next 24
It was a beautiful morning for a walk around the neighborhood today. As I walked, I was flooded with memories of my childhood growing up here. It's funny how the "family name" stays the same in my mind, despite how many owners have come and gone since I lived here as a child. Once the "______ " family's house, always their house I guess, at least in reference.
Anyway, taking a walk, along with providing the opportunity to reminisce, also gave me the chance to think, uninterrupted by anything. My thoughts wandered to a lot of places but ended with reason I went for a walk to begin with...self care. This is an area in which I have struggled all of my adult life and has been making more regular appearances in my thought pattern than ever before. I don't know if it is turning forty, wanting to feel better, wanting to look better, being generally scared of dying without really fulfilling my purpose here on earth or combination of all of the above.
Today, I was thinking about why this is so hard for me...and what mental blocks I have in place that are most of the time preventing me from reaching my full potential. I came to the realization that I am putting too much pressure on myself, and in turn becoming overwhelmed and not following through with anything. I have higher expectations of myself than are realistic at least for me. I know myself and the fact is that though I work well under pressure when someone else is expecting something of or from me, when it comes to my own expectations of myself, I need to, well, calm down. I am not going to quit sugar, exercise daily, drink my required water, eat healthy, strength train etc. etc. etc.... at least not all at once. Some people can do this...I am not one of them.
How do I function best? When I take one thing on at a time, give it my full attention, master it, and take on something else. For the past few years, I have been trying to live in the now...not spending too much time in the future or the past; concentrating on what I can do with the 24 hours in front of me. For some reason I have not really applied this to self care. I am always thinking I need to do one million things at once and this is just not true. If I take one step at a time, slowly picking things up along the way, I will be in a much better frame of mind to succeed, instead of constantly feeling like a failure when I do or don't do something that gets in the way of me being healthy.
So...that is what I am going to do...take on this task one day at a time...documenting my successes and failures along the way.
Today's steps: I took a mile and half walk around my neighborhood. I chose walnuts for a snack. I drank a protein shake for breakfast. I wrote this blog entry. Hey...being open and honest about my thoughts in a public forum definitely counts in my book.
Anyway, taking a walk, along with providing the opportunity to reminisce, also gave me the chance to think, uninterrupted by anything. My thoughts wandered to a lot of places but ended with reason I went for a walk to begin with...self care. This is an area in which I have struggled all of my adult life and has been making more regular appearances in my thought pattern than ever before. I don't know if it is turning forty, wanting to feel better, wanting to look better, being generally scared of dying without really fulfilling my purpose here on earth or combination of all of the above.
Today, I was thinking about why this is so hard for me...and what mental blocks I have in place that are most of the time preventing me from reaching my full potential. I came to the realization that I am putting too much pressure on myself, and in turn becoming overwhelmed and not following through with anything. I have higher expectations of myself than are realistic at least for me. I know myself and the fact is that though I work well under pressure when someone else is expecting something of or from me, when it comes to my own expectations of myself, I need to, well, calm down. I am not going to quit sugar, exercise daily, drink my required water, eat healthy, strength train etc. etc. etc.... at least not all at once. Some people can do this...I am not one of them.
How do I function best? When I take one thing on at a time, give it my full attention, master it, and take on something else. For the past few years, I have been trying to live in the now...not spending too much time in the future or the past; concentrating on what I can do with the 24 hours in front of me. For some reason I have not really applied this to self care. I am always thinking I need to do one million things at once and this is just not true. If I take one step at a time, slowly picking things up along the way, I will be in a much better frame of mind to succeed, instead of constantly feeling like a failure when I do or don't do something that gets in the way of me being healthy.
So...that is what I am going to do...take on this task one day at a time...documenting my successes and failures along the way.
Today's steps: I took a mile and half walk around my neighborhood. I chose walnuts for a snack. I drank a protein shake for breakfast. I wrote this blog entry. Hey...being open and honest about my thoughts in a public forum definitely counts in my book.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Reminders to Set Up Reminders
I need to set reminders for every darn thing in my life. I mean obviously for appointments and things like that but also for the everyday. Like, "Hey don't forget to do the laundry today" and "Remember to pray" and "Call this person or place you have meaning to call forever" and "Oh yeah, make sure you take out the chicken to thaw so you can cook dinner tonight" and so on and so on and so on. It is kind of pathetic really. I need reminders to set up the reminders. Does anyone else have this problem? What creative solutions do you have to keep your life and schedule organized?
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Good Vibrations
Every night before I fall asleep, I pray. Much of the time it is a very simple prayer that goes something like, "Thank you. I welcome you in to my life, please show me the way." Once in a while it is more elaborate and sometimes, it is more like a jumbled mess of thoughts and not really like a prayer at all. About a week ago I had prayed the simple, "Thank you..." prayer and the strangest thing happened. For about thirty seconds I felt this weird, yet positive "vibration" through my whole body. It was more like a pulsing of energy than a vibration and it was like nothing I had ever felt before. In the short time span of maybe ten seconds I had two immediate thoughts. The first was that we were having an earthquake, followed quickly by the thought that I was experiencing some sort of medical emergency. However, when I shut my mind off and just let myself experience the feeling, it was not one of fear or pain...it's was this overwhelming feeling of goodness and positivity. How did I feel about this? Obviously I asked God/the universe/my higher power to come into my life and someone or something took that opportunity to make their presence known in a very physical way. What other explanation could there be?
I have always felt very connected in a spiritual way; more so in recent years than ever before. I don't always know or interpret it as a connection to God but more of a connection with the universe or some other realm; a higher power for sure that just doesn't always have a clear definition. I don't know how to explain it really but what I know for sure is this: when I take the time to pray, meditate or focus my energy, whatever I am hoping, wishing or asking for usually comes to be in one way or another. Sometimes this fact freaks me out a little. Honestly the whole possibility of a higher power freaks me out a little.
My skepticism is always put in to question when I jump in full force praying, meditating and focusing and the answers I am looking for present. In those moments I am reassured and convinced that there is someone or something out there looking out for me, listening to me and working in my favor to guide me through this thing called life. The energy pulsing through my body that night only helped reinforce this belief. And, even in the face of recent events personally and in the world as a whole, since that night I have had this overwhelming sense of peace, a newfound confidence and a general feeling that everything will be alright.
I was hesitant about posting this...because even though it was my own experience, even to me it sounds a bit "out there." But this year is all about stepping out of my comfort zone and even though there might be a few eye rolls or questions regarding my experience or beliefs, I am done worrying about what other people's interpretations of me might be. I know me, my higher power knows me and I am perfectly comfortable with that.
I have always felt very connected in a spiritual way; more so in recent years than ever before. I don't always know or interpret it as a connection to God but more of a connection with the universe or some other realm; a higher power for sure that just doesn't always have a clear definition. I don't know how to explain it really but what I know for sure is this: when I take the time to pray, meditate or focus my energy, whatever I am hoping, wishing or asking for usually comes to be in one way or another. Sometimes this fact freaks me out a little. Honestly the whole possibility of a higher power freaks me out a little.
My skepticism is always put in to question when I jump in full force praying, meditating and focusing and the answers I am looking for present. In those moments I am reassured and convinced that there is someone or something out there looking out for me, listening to me and working in my favor to guide me through this thing called life. The energy pulsing through my body that night only helped reinforce this belief. And, even in the face of recent events personally and in the world as a whole, since that night I have had this overwhelming sense of peace, a newfound confidence and a general feeling that everything will be alright.
I was hesitant about posting this...because even though it was my own experience, even to me it sounds a bit "out there." But this year is all about stepping out of my comfort zone and even though there might be a few eye rolls or questions regarding my experience or beliefs, I am done worrying about what other people's interpretations of me might be. I know me, my higher power knows me and I am perfectly comfortable with that.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Reflections on Turning 40
I don't know why I expected there to be some big revelation...like I would suddenly realize what my purpose here on earth is, or I would have some other big "a-ha" moment and bam, my life as I know it would be drastically different. In reality, one full month in to my fortieth year, I don't really feel all that different than I did in my 39th year. I think my big revelations came a couple of years ago, making all of that "life begins at 40" stuff seem less intense. There have been many a-ha moments, lessons learned and experiences along the way. Some have been exhilarating, some painful, and some just were. One thing is clear, I still feel as though I have yet to "arrive." Maybe this will be the year I figure it all out...maybe it won't. Either way is fine with me.
"Each one of us has our own evolution of life, and each one of us goes through different tests which are unique and challenging. But certain things are common. And we do learn things from each other's experience. On a spiritual journey, we all have the same destination." ~A.R. Rahman~
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Politics with Julia
It probably doesn't come as a surprise that the kids and I have a lot of political discussions. The most recent one was a perfect example of how literal Julia really is.
Katie and I were discussing how terrible it would be for this country if Donald Trump was elected. It started off as a real discussion about real issues but then Katie jokingly said, "The most awful thing would be if he enacted a law that said we must all wear our hair like he does." We laughed...and went on with the conversation.
Fast forward to a few days later when Julia comes into my office and says to me, "Mom, if Donald Trump is elected, can we please move to England?" When I asked her why she didn't like the idea of Trump being president, she said, "Because of the hair thing. He has awful hair! If he makes that stupid rule we will need to leave immediately." She was dead serious. She thought the rule could become reality despite it being a ridiculous and, she completely missed the "social que" (laughter indicating the humor).
I mean honestly, as long as she is on board with Trump as President being a bad idea, the reasoning really doesn't matter, right? And let's face it...his hair is awful!
Katie and I were discussing how terrible it would be for this country if Donald Trump was elected. It started off as a real discussion about real issues but then Katie jokingly said, "The most awful thing would be if he enacted a law that said we must all wear our hair like he does." We laughed...and went on with the conversation.
Fast forward to a few days later when Julia comes into my office and says to me, "Mom, if Donald Trump is elected, can we please move to England?" When I asked her why she didn't like the idea of Trump being president, she said, "Because of the hair thing. He has awful hair! If he makes that stupid rule we will need to leave immediately." She was dead serious. She thought the rule could become reality despite it being a ridiculous and, she completely missed the "social que" (laughter indicating the humor).
I mean honestly, as long as she is on board with Trump as President being a bad idea, the reasoning really doesn't matter, right? And let's face it...his hair is awful!
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Reasons Unknown
It is a strange thing when you see something that reminds you of someone and you go to call them, only to remember that they haven't been a part of your life for two years. There have been a lot of changes in my life over this time; most of them for the better. For some reason though, looking back, this person not being a part of my life still hurts. It was their choice to leave. While I made some decisions that were absolutely a contributing factor in their choice, in the end the simple fact that they left during one of the most tumultuous, difficult and trying times of my life (no matter that I brought it on myself) says a lot about how true a friend they really were to begin with.
I truly believe that God, the universe, and "nature" really have plan that defies understanding sometimes, though that lack of understanding may be hard to accept, I have to believe that there is a reason for everything, even if it isn't clear at the time. For some reason, unbeknownst to be, this person was not meant to be with me. It's as simple and as complicated as that.
I truly believe that God, the universe, and "nature" really have plan that defies understanding sometimes, though that lack of understanding may be hard to accept, I have to believe that there is a reason for everything, even if it isn't clear at the time. For some reason, unbeknownst to be, this person was not meant to be with me. It's as simple and as complicated as that.
RIP Dr. Dyer
The first book I read of Dr. Wayne Dyer's was "I Can See Clearly Now." Perhaps my favorite quote from the book is this: "I’ve spoken often of the metaphor of the wake of a boat— that the wake is nothing more than the trail that is left behind, and it has no power in the present. It does not and cannot drive the boat. It is a trail that has no influence on the boat whatsoever." It was early on in the book and was the first time of many times since then that I felt as if Dr. Dyer was speaking directly to me.
One of the best gifts I got from reading Dr. Dyer's books was the ability his words had to "make me see." I don't know how to explain it really. He spoke to me on many levels, in many ways. I have had countless "aha" moments while reading his books or watching his tv specials. His perspective, outlook, and attitude have meant so much to me over the past couple of years and I truly believe were a catalyst for my journey from the darkness in to the light. While it seems weird to be this affected by the passing of someone I have never met, his influence on me has been immeasurable. He may be physically gone but his teachings, spirit, and wisdom will continue to change the world through the legacy he left behind.
One of the best gifts I got from reading Dr. Dyer's books was the ability his words had to "make me see." I don't know how to explain it really. He spoke to me on many levels, in many ways. I have had countless "aha" moments while reading his books or watching his tv specials. His perspective, outlook, and attitude have meant so much to me over the past couple of years and I truly believe were a catalyst for my journey from the darkness in to the light. While it seems weird to be this affected by the passing of someone I have never met, his influence on me has been immeasurable. He may be physically gone but his teachings, spirit, and wisdom will continue to change the world through the legacy he left behind.
To The Critic Inside My Head
Shut up! Just shut up! I don't need you and your damn negativity taking up space in my head. I have overcome too much to let you get in my way. There is no room for you in my life. None. Whatsoever. So get the hell out. And stay out. You are not welcome here.
Friday, August 21, 2015
Head Games
I wish I didn't put so much stock in my dreams but as silly as this may sound to some, it is very rare (like almost non-existent) that I have a dream that doesn't have some underlying meaning. My dreams almost always have very specific symbols in them...usually animals.
Over the past few years in particular, I have grown quite good at interpreting meanings, without the aid of book or website. I am able to make pretty decent connections between my dreams and real life, and how they may relate. Usually, even if in some round about way, they do.
So I am trying not to be too concerned about a couple of recent dreams involving my head. The first one was about a bug biting my head that would not let go. I think it was a tick but that was not 100% clear. It didn't hurt; it was more of a nuisance. No matter what I tried, or whose help I employed, we could not get it off of my head. When I woke up, the immediate thought I had was that something had been trying to "infiltrate" my head to...well, to take over. It was unsettling to say the least.
The second dream involved me putting an exorbitant amount of cover up (makeup) on my face...before going to bed at night. In my dream, I was getting ready and after putting the cover up on I was thinking to myself it was silly to put it on before bed. However, when I thought it would make sense to wash it off, I decided against it because the results of doing so could be bad, very bad. The obvious interpretation upon waking was that I was trying to hide or cover something up about myself. Also very unsettling.
Needless to say, I will be paying a bit closer attention in my waking life to my feelings, thoughts and any notion of being "infiltrated" or over-powered. And is it weird that I totally want to call my PCP (which I need to do anyway to schedule a physical...UGH) and ask for an MRI of my head? Seriously.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Well...
...so far the biggest adjustment regarding work has been time management. Basically, I get up in the morning, get Julia and I ready, drop her off at school, head to work, leave at three, come home cook dinner and go back out to either Girl Scouts, dance or karate, depending on the night. Sometimes, eating the dinner I have cooked waits until I get back home, which is usually around 8PM. Even as a working parent myself now, I continue to be in awe of people who do this daily. It has been a huge adjustment but I am counting this week as a win since I at least managed to make dinner every night, except for our usual Thursday take out dinner. I am looking forward to the beginning of my regular shift at the end of training which will be 7am-1pm 5 days per week (which includes Saturdays so I will have a day off during the week). I think it will make for a much less hectic afternoon, which will be nice. I will need to be in bed earlier than usual as I will be leaving by 6;30 every morning but I can do that.
I am going to love this job from what I have gathered so far. It's a lot of computer work (navigating multiple systems) combined with customer service over the phone. I have been very successful with the various programs used. Whatever doubt I had about being able to work through multiple computer systems has been erased. I am shocking myself with how comfortable I feel. There is still more to come...a lot more to learn but I feel good about it all.
Perhaps the best thing so far about this job is just the basic fact of getting out of the house every day, talking to actual people and feeling productive. I mean it is not like I was sitting around all day doing nothing but, having some place to be just feels good. The feeling productive part has not shown itself at home (just how exactly do people who work and have three busy kids keep their house in some semblance of order)? I have no idea but I am sure as time progresses, I will figure it out.
All in all, this has been a very positive experience and a huge confidence/morale booster, It feels good to be successful (again) at something.
I am going to love this job from what I have gathered so far. It's a lot of computer work (navigating multiple systems) combined with customer service over the phone. I have been very successful with the various programs used. Whatever doubt I had about being able to work through multiple computer systems has been erased. I am shocking myself with how comfortable I feel. There is still more to come...a lot more to learn but I feel good about it all.
Perhaps the best thing so far about this job is just the basic fact of getting out of the house every day, talking to actual people and feeling productive. I mean it is not like I was sitting around all day doing nothing but, having some place to be just feels good. The feeling productive part has not shown itself at home (just how exactly do people who work and have three busy kids keep their house in some semblance of order)? I have no idea but I am sure as time progresses, I will figure it out.
All in all, this has been a very positive experience and a huge confidence/morale booster, It feels good to be successful (again) at something.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Hi Ho , Hi, Ho
In less than twenty-four hours, I officially re-join the work force. It has been eleven years since I have worked outside of my home...eleven years! I am both excited and nervous about this new chapter; mostly excited.
I am not sure I intended for my "break from work" to be quite this long. When I was laid off from my job at the cable company (the company was bought and the office was closing), the timing was perfect. I was halfway through my pregnancy with Julia. I wasn't going to look for a job at that point, then go out on maternity leave for a couple of months. Financially, we were able to make ends meet with Ryun's income. Going back to work and shelling out for day care seemed counterproductive. I remember thinking at various points I would probably go back when Julia went to kindergarten. Kindergarten came and went...year two of kindergarten came and went and here we are, more than half way through her fourth grade year.
Looking back, I feel fortunate to have been home for as long as I was. Truth be told, the first six years of Julia's life involved more doctor's appointments, physical, speech, and occupational therapy appointments, meetings at school, and developmental evaluations than I could possibly remember. In addition to all of the commitments I had with Julia, just before Julia was born, Emily had her first seizure. So for the two years following, we had many trips back and forth to Boston, meetings at school etc. as we worked through defining Emily's diagnosis. I know how blessed and lucky I was to be able to afford to stay home and take both of them to every single meeting, appointment, therapy session, etc. without having to worry about calling out of work, rearranging my schedule or anything else that would need to be considered as a working parent. I am truly in awe of working parents every day and how they, like me, manage every day life, with the added consideration of work in the mix. Thankfully, my days of continuous appointments, therapy sessions, meetings etc. are a thing of the past. Emily has been seizure free for 8 years. Julia has made such an incredible amount of progress that is hard to even picture that she ever needed all of those services to begin with.
The time feels right, and as a believer in the phrase, "If it is meant to happen it will," I know the time is right. Getting this job is exactly what was supposed to happen, at exactly when it was supposed to happen. I am nervous (how am I going to "manage" my still very busy life with work being added to the calendar?) but mostly I am excited. Everything else that work will affect will work itself out, just the way it is supposed to (even if I don't know what that exactly is yet). I am looking forward to meeting new people, learning new skills, and quite simply, just getting back out there "in to the world" again.
I am not sure I intended for my "break from work" to be quite this long. When I was laid off from my job at the cable company (the company was bought and the office was closing), the timing was perfect. I was halfway through my pregnancy with Julia. I wasn't going to look for a job at that point, then go out on maternity leave for a couple of months. Financially, we were able to make ends meet with Ryun's income. Going back to work and shelling out for day care seemed counterproductive. I remember thinking at various points I would probably go back when Julia went to kindergarten. Kindergarten came and went...year two of kindergarten came and went and here we are, more than half way through her fourth grade year.
Looking back, I feel fortunate to have been home for as long as I was. Truth be told, the first six years of Julia's life involved more doctor's appointments, physical, speech, and occupational therapy appointments, meetings at school, and developmental evaluations than I could possibly remember. In addition to all of the commitments I had with Julia, just before Julia was born, Emily had her first seizure. So for the two years following, we had many trips back and forth to Boston, meetings at school etc. as we worked through defining Emily's diagnosis. I know how blessed and lucky I was to be able to afford to stay home and take both of them to every single meeting, appointment, therapy session, etc. without having to worry about calling out of work, rearranging my schedule or anything else that would need to be considered as a working parent. I am truly in awe of working parents every day and how they, like me, manage every day life, with the added consideration of work in the mix. Thankfully, my days of continuous appointments, therapy sessions, meetings etc. are a thing of the past. Emily has been seizure free for 8 years. Julia has made such an incredible amount of progress that is hard to even picture that she ever needed all of those services to begin with.
The time feels right, and as a believer in the phrase, "If it is meant to happen it will," I know the time is right. Getting this job is exactly what was supposed to happen, at exactly when it was supposed to happen. I am nervous (how am I going to "manage" my still very busy life with work being added to the calendar?) but mostly I am excited. Everything else that work will affect will work itself out, just the way it is supposed to (even if I don't know what that exactly is yet). I am looking forward to meeting new people, learning new skills, and quite simply, just getting back out there "in to the world" again.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
#dearme
The "dear me" campaign is in full swing on you tube and other social media sites. I thought it would be a fun thing to participate in and realized, though not exactly the same thing, I kind of already had. Not too long ago I wrote a post on another blog titled, "Things I Wish I Knew Way Back When." I have copied it below and added to it.
I suppose the old adage, "It's never too late" really is true, but do you ever wonder why lessons come so "late" in life? Something happens and you think, "Hmm...wish I had known this, heard that, thought about this etc. back when I blah blah blah." This sort of thing happens to me all of the time. Is it a "late thirties" thing (ok almost 40)? Here are some of the things I wish I knew back when...
-Sometimes you think you know exactly where your life is headed. Sometimes you are right. I would venture to say most of the time you are not. And that's ok. Sometimes the path is clear. Sometimes there are obstacles. Sometimes there are forks. Sometimes you have to forge through the forest. There might be people on your path for some of the time. They may go astray. That is ok too. If they are meant to walk with you they will. There might be some parts of in the journey in which you feel completely alone. Maybe you are. Just keep moving. Many times, your final destination changes. Different paths emerge. Obstacles force you to take a new road. Just let it happen. Ultimately you will get to where you need to be, where you are supposed to be.
-"People will hate you, shake you, rate you and break you, but how strong you stand will make you." No one knows you like you know you. In the end that is all that matters. Know yourself and love what you know. If you don't love what you know, work harder than ever to change it so you do. It will be hard but it will be worth it. Trust me on this one.
-In every situation GO WITH YOUR GUT. Yes, I am "yelling" that one. It's probably the most important thing I will say in this whole entry. Trust yourself. Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. Just do it.
-Sometimes it just feels "right" to eat a bag of chips. Like a whole bag. With french onion dip. Yeah, maybe you need to lose 50 pounds and maybe the greasy mess will do nothing for your complexion but trust me when I say one bag of chips is not going to kill you.
- Don't let anyone dull your sparkle! This quote explains: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~Marianne Williamson~
-Forget about all of the reasons it won't work and focus on the one reason it will. Just be positive. Think positive. Change your self talk from I can't, to I can.
-Caffeine is life. Up there on the same level of importance as oxygen. Functioning without it may actually be possible but not recommended.
-Someday, actually on multiple occasions as you approach your 40's and probably even before that, you will realize that every once in a while, your Mom did have a good idea. You will eventually get to a point, when parenting your own kids, that you open your mouth to speak, and your mother comes out. Those times will be defining moments. You will look back gratefully and maybe even want to apologize for not listening to her advice in the first place.
-When you have kids you will wish you could teach them all of these life lessons (and then some) now. You will, to some degree try. They won't listen (or at least you won't think they are). Then someday, perhaps when they too are in their late 30's, they will come to some of these realizations (as well as some of there own), and life, will come full circle once again.
-Sometimes you think you know exactly where your life is headed. Sometimes you are right. I would venture to say most of the time you are not. And that's ok. Sometimes the path is clear. Sometimes there are obstacles. Sometimes there are forks. Sometimes you have to forge through the forest. There might be people on your path for some of the time. They may go astray. That is ok too. If they are meant to walk with you they will. There might be some parts of in the journey in which you feel completely alone. Maybe you are. Just keep moving. Many times, your final destination changes. Different paths emerge. Obstacles force you to take a new road. Just let it happen. Ultimately you will get to where you need to be, where you are supposed to be.
-"People will hate you, shake you, rate you and break you, but how strong you stand will make you." No one knows you like you know you. In the end that is all that matters. Know yourself and love what you know. If you don't love what you know, work harder than ever to change it so you do. It will be hard but it will be worth it. Trust me on this one.
-In every situation GO WITH YOUR GUT. Yes, I am "yelling" that one. It's probably the most important thing I will say in this whole entry. Trust yourself. Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. Just do it.
-Sometimes it just feels "right" to eat a bag of chips. Like a whole bag. With french onion dip. Yeah, maybe you need to lose 50 pounds and maybe the greasy mess will do nothing for your complexion but trust me when I say one bag of chips is not going to kill you.
- Don't let anyone dull your sparkle! This quote explains: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~Marianne Williamson~
-Forget about all of the reasons it won't work and focus on the one reason it will. Just be positive. Think positive. Change your self talk from I can't, to I can.
-Caffeine is life. Up there on the same level of importance as oxygen. Functioning without it may actually be possible but not recommended.
-Someday, actually on multiple occasions as you approach your 40's and probably even before that, you will realize that every once in a while, your Mom did have a good idea. You will eventually get to a point, when parenting your own kids, that you open your mouth to speak, and your mother comes out. Those times will be defining moments. You will look back gratefully and maybe even want to apologize for not listening to her advice in the first place.
-When you have kids you will wish you could teach them all of these life lessons (and then some) now. You will, to some degree try. They won't listen (or at least you won't think they are). Then someday, perhaps when they too are in their late 30's, they will come to some of these realizations (as well as some of there own), and life, will come full circle once again.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
First Post
Here it is! I have set a goal to blog more as I have always found writing to be therapeutic, a great way to record a memory and something I thoroughly enjoy doing. Some particular interests I have which you may see more of here include Celiac Disease, ADHD, Autism and other special needs, photography, reading, arts and crafts, and education...all sprinkled generously with stories from my everyday life. Welcome to Life According to Shaz!
Friday, February 27, 2015
These are a few of my favorite things...
I have seen this done in other diarys and I thought it was a good idea so, guess what? I am going to do it too! I got this survey through email today so I thought I would share my answers.
Name: Sharon Marie (Sullivan) Ellis
Nickname: Shazzy, Shaz
Birthday: October 4, 1975
Zodiac sign: Libra
single/married/partnered/divorced: married
children: 2, Emily and Katie
Favorites
Color: green
number: 7
Quote: "I keep my friends as miser do their treasure because, of all things granted to us by wisdom, none is greater, or better than friendship." Unknown
singers: Garth Brooks, Jimmy Buffett
Favorite songs by above mentioned singers: Why Don't We get Drunk and Screw(Buffet) If Tomorrow Never Comes(Brooks)
food: italian
non-alcoholic drink: Coca Cola
alcoholic: anything with Kahlua
TV shows: ER Buffy Angel
websites: the one you are currently looking at (lol) whdh.com, classmates.com, spoilerslayer.com, cabbages69.diaryland.com opiuminjars.diaryland.com
Soundtrack: Nottinghill
Cereal: Raisin Bran
Vegetable: broccoli
Meat: steak
Board game: umm...Candyland
Magazine: O
This or That
Chicken or the egg? Egg, by some miracle of God
1/2 empty or 1/2 full: was it full and you drank half of it? If yes, half empty. If you only filled it half way, half full.
Sketchers or Nike: Sketchers
Apple or orange juice: Orange
Coffee or tea: coffee, on occasion
Bath or Shower: Bath
snow or sun: both
What kind of shampoo do you use? Thermasilk
What kind of car do you drive? A "mom" car Ford Taurus Wagon
What was your first car? A 1986 Monte Carlo
Your favorite/dream car: Dodge Intrepid...I don' know why, I just like it
Names of any future children? If we have any...boy: Brendan Ryun Girl...probably Sarah Jane, maybe Sarah Rose, but definitely Sarah...with an "H"
Ever been to a Broadway show: Yup...Les Miserables and I loved it!
Physical attribute most complimented on by members of the opposite sex: my long thick red hair...for some reason, men love it.
Funniest person you know personally: My father
Silliest/stupidist/most daring thing you have ever done while drunk: went skinny dipping in a public pond.
Which friend would you be from the NBC show "Friends"? I am not really too much like any of them but if I had to pick one I would be Monica.
If you were to perform in the circus, which act would you perform in? No clue...the lion tamer I guess...yeah right.
If you could star in a love scene with any living actor who would it be and where would you want it filmed? Ben Affleck and who the hell cares where? I am with Ben...
If you could be a contestant on any game show, which show would you pick? Millionaire or The Price is Right
If you had to rely on one person only in any difficult situation, who would it be? Ryun
If you had to name your 3 greatest accomplishments in your life thus far, what would they be? My children, Emily and Katie, and this journal...lol
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2015
I liked having a "theme word" for the year in 2014. My word was "fearless." When I reflect back I can say with little doubt that I absolutely made progress toward living life in a more fearless way. I made conscious decisions aimed at achieving this goal and I am proud and happy to say that I did. This year my theme word will be "wellness." The definition is a perfect explanation of what I want in the new year: "the quality or state of being healthy in body and mind, especially as the result of deliberate effort."
It's kind of a strange thing having set a goal and achieved it (though I feel like being fearless will always be a work in progress, I certainly have made great strides and will continue to do so). I have never been one to set goals and actually follow through. It makes me feel powerful and confident, two feelings that have been foreign to me for most of my life. The "I can do anything I put my mind to" mindset is one that I never want to lose, so, I will continue to set goals, some big, some small, and I will reflect in a positive way, on the person I am becoming.
Being healthy in mind and body are two things that I believe are deeply connected. I am well on my way to a healthy mind. I believe that continuing to work in that direction will have nothing but a positive effect on creating a healthy body. To that end, I will continue to set goals; big, small, short and long term, and I will do what I have been doing all year: make decisions that help me achieve them.
There are many reasons behind why I chose the word "wellness" as my personal theme word for the year. I want to feel better and look better are two big ones. However, one of the biggest is my belief that in order to fulfill my purpose here on earth, though yet undefined, I need to "be" better. If I am not giving the best to myself, I will be incapable of giving it to others. And, though I am still not quite sure what it is, I do know that my purpose here has, in some big way, something to do with giving back to the "world" that has given so much to me.
For more on my inspiration behind this year's theme word and to follow me along on my journey, please join my new Facebook group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/mirrormirroronthedojowall/
It's kind of a strange thing having set a goal and achieved it (though I feel like being fearless will always be a work in progress, I certainly have made great strides and will continue to do so). I have never been one to set goals and actually follow through. It makes me feel powerful and confident, two feelings that have been foreign to me for most of my life. The "I can do anything I put my mind to" mindset is one that I never want to lose, so, I will continue to set goals, some big, some small, and I will reflect in a positive way, on the person I am becoming.
Being healthy in mind and body are two things that I believe are deeply connected. I am well on my way to a healthy mind. I believe that continuing to work in that direction will have nothing but a positive effect on creating a healthy body. To that end, I will continue to set goals; big, small, short and long term, and I will do what I have been doing all year: make decisions that help me achieve them.
There are many reasons behind why I chose the word "wellness" as my personal theme word for the year. I want to feel better and look better are two big ones. However, one of the biggest is my belief that in order to fulfill my purpose here on earth, though yet undefined, I need to "be" better. If I am not giving the best to myself, I will be incapable of giving it to others. And, though I am still not quite sure what it is, I do know that my purpose here has, in some big way, something to do with giving back to the "world" that has given so much to me.
For more on my inspiration behind this year's theme word and to follow me along on my journey, please join my new Facebook group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/mirrormirroronthedojowall/
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Life Explained
I suppose the old adage, "It's never too late" really is true, but do you ever wonder why lessons come so "late" in life? Something happens and you think, "Hmm...wish I had known this, heard that, thought about this etc. back when I blah blah blah." This sort of thing happens to me all of the time. Is it a "late thirties" thing (ok almost 40)? Here are some of the things I wish I knew back when...
-Sometimes you think you know exactly where your life is headed. Sometimes you are right. I would venture to say most of the time you are not. And that's ok. Sometimes the path is clear. Sometimes there are obstacles. Sometimes there are forks. Sometimes you have to forge through the forest. There might be people on your path for some of the time. They may go astray. That is ok too. If they are meant to walk with you they will. There might be some parts of in the journey in which you feel completely alone. Maybe you are. Just keep moving. Many times, your final destination changes. Different paths emerge. Obstacles force you to take a new road. Just let it happen. Ultimately you will get to where you need to be, where you are supposed to be.
-"People will hate you, shake you, rate you and break you, but how strong you stand will make you." No one knows you like you know you. In the end that is all that matters. Know yourself and love what you know. If you don't love what you know, work harder than ever to change it so you do. It will be hard but it will be worth it. Trust me on this one.
-In every situation GO WITH YOUR GUT. Yes, I am "yelling" that one. It's probably the most important thing I will say in this whole entry. Trust yourself. Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. Just do it.
-Sometimes it just feels "right" to eat a bag of chips. Like a whole bag. With french onion dip. Yeah, maybe you need to lose 50 pounds and maybe the greasy mess will do nothing for your complexion but trust me when I say one bag of chips is not going to kill you. Every once in a while just splurge. And I am not saying that I am doing that right now or anything. Ok maybe I am (minus the french onion dip dammit) but you know what, I refuse to worry about it.
- Don't let anyone dull your sparkle! This quote explains: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~Marianne Williamson~
-Forget about all of the reasons it won't work and focus on the one reason it will. Just be positive. Think positive. Change your self talk from I can't, to I can.
-Coffee is life. Up there on the same level of importance as oxygen. Functioning without it may actually be possible but not recommended.
-Every once in a while, Mom did have a good idea.
-When you have kids you will wish you could teach them all of these life lessons (and then some) now. You will to some degree try. They won't listen (or at least you won't think they are). Then someday, perhaps when they too are in their late 30's they will come to some of these realizations (as well as some of there own). "You have to hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because most of life's lessons are best learned in pain."
-Sometimes you think you know exactly where your life is headed. Sometimes you are right. I would venture to say most of the time you are not. And that's ok. Sometimes the path is clear. Sometimes there are obstacles. Sometimes there are forks. Sometimes you have to forge through the forest. There might be people on your path for some of the time. They may go astray. That is ok too. If they are meant to walk with you they will. There might be some parts of in the journey in which you feel completely alone. Maybe you are. Just keep moving. Many times, your final destination changes. Different paths emerge. Obstacles force you to take a new road. Just let it happen. Ultimately you will get to where you need to be, where you are supposed to be.
-"People will hate you, shake you, rate you and break you, but how strong you stand will make you." No one knows you like you know you. In the end that is all that matters. Know yourself and love what you know. If you don't love what you know, work harder than ever to change it so you do. It will be hard but it will be worth it. Trust me on this one.
-In every situation GO WITH YOUR GUT. Yes, I am "yelling" that one. It's probably the most important thing I will say in this whole entry. Trust yourself. Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. Just do it.
-Sometimes it just feels "right" to eat a bag of chips. Like a whole bag. With french onion dip. Yeah, maybe you need to lose 50 pounds and maybe the greasy mess will do nothing for your complexion but trust me when I say one bag of chips is not going to kill you. Every once in a while just splurge. And I am not saying that I am doing that right now or anything. Ok maybe I am (minus the french onion dip dammit) but you know what, I refuse to worry about it.
- Don't let anyone dull your sparkle! This quote explains: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~Marianne Williamson~
-Forget about all of the reasons it won't work and focus on the one reason it will. Just be positive. Think positive. Change your self talk from I can't, to I can.
-Coffee is life. Up there on the same level of importance as oxygen. Functioning without it may actually be possible but not recommended.
-Every once in a while, Mom did have a good idea.
-When you have kids you will wish you could teach them all of these life lessons (and then some) now. You will to some degree try. They won't listen (or at least you won't think they are). Then someday, perhaps when they too are in their late 30's they will come to some of these realizations (as well as some of there own). "You have to hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because most of life's lessons are best learned in pain."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)